Face to the Sunshine

2012-01-29T07:44:00.000-05:00

Molly is in a dark, scary forest. She does have a Light; hopefully she will remember to look at Him. (Keep your eyes on The Prize!) Because her way seems lost, she is deep in amongst roots that trip and trunks that tower and creatures that scream. Only if she believes wholeheartedly that God will guide her through this will she have peace. Only if she obeys completely each footstep He tells her to take will she feel safe.

And hopefully Santos will let her grab him by the hand and pull him out of the forest, too.

(Forest, in this story, means too little money to pay even her own smallish bills, a continuously unemployed oft-times moody husband, nowhere to live after the baby is born, and the exhaustion that comes with third trimester pregnancy. Light, in this story - in every story - means the Lord Jesus Christ, who tells us to be strong and of good courage because He is with us where ever we go. Our part is to have eyes willing to see Him, even deep in the forest.)

Music proves the existence of a creator God.

2012-01-27T11:54:00.001-05:00

"When I'm asked what proof there is in the world for God, I sometimes point to music. Empirically, it doesn't make sense that a series of varied, modulated sounds could move us as they do. There would seem to be no evolutionary reason why we should love it so. Why it should touch our hearts in ways nothing else can. And yet most of us understand that, when words fail us, music speaks to the soul. " Paul Asay on Plugged In.

Amen! I agree with the truth of his words: Music is evidence of the existence of God, and His amazing creativity and His desire to bless His creations. Amen!

Later on it lit in my own brain that laughter is a similar blazing proof of a Creator God, rather than accidental humanity. Laughter - so beautiful, so blessifying, so unlikely to have evolved.

2012-01-26T13:21:00.000-05:00

Good, lively morning at the dojo. There is a new adult student (yay!) who seems like he'll enjoy training at our dojo. All four of my young warriors were there, and that was a good class, too. I laughed quite often. Now if only they could all learn their left and their right. Sure, we did "The Hokey Pokey" for reinforcement, but the effects of that seem to last only about five minutes and then they no longer know which is their right foot and which is their left foot. That is one of those interesting things that when a person does NOT know it it can seem so difficult to learn, but eventually, over time, most people really do assimilate that knowlege. I just happen to be teaching a physical skill at a time when that mental knowledge is far from in place!

I realized today that while I do like to go out, I do LOVE to come home!!

Mexican rice and beans with lots of Montery Jack cheese for lunch. Yummy! And I'm reading "Leaf by Niggle" by J.R.R. Tolkien. Heart happy! And I will work with Grace on her school work. Uh. . . that could be a blessing, too, we'll see.

2012-01-24T09:59:00.004-05:00

Picture this:

An unseasonably warm January day in New England. Dead grass peeks in patches through icy white snow.

An aging karateka stands on the asphalt-black driveway, face full ON to the bright winter sunshine, glad to want to be outdoors after many days of very cold weather.

And suddenly, a new practice tool is discovered. It is, exactly, the sun. Because this sun is so bright against her eyes that she must close her eyes, and begin doing all her kata with her eyes closed. The glare of the sun over the white snow strongly prohibits any urge to open the eyes to momentarily get her bearings. The sun itself is the teacher, giving both reason to keep the eyes closed and, indubitably, a warm bright sense of where it is standing (hanging, I mean, in the sky).

Doing kata with eyes closed is a good practice habit, and I need to practice it that way often because I tend to lose my balance when I close my eyes and move, so today the sun was an ever-present instigator to keep my eyes closed.

Also it was great to be outside, and to feel the sun on my face! Face-to-the-sunshine: mentally imperative quite often, physically a blessing quite often, too.

2012-01-22T19:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, due to a snow storm, 7-y-o Emma, (yellow belt rank) was the only student in my 10 am karate class. We had great fun. She did good work on her punching, kicking, self-defense, kata, and running laps. She worked hard and then, at the end of class, we got ready to play the game where we try to grab a colorful strip of cloth from each other's belt, while also defending our own strip of cloth. It doesn't really have a name, that game, but yesterday Emma changed it up. (I think this girl has an imagination that matches my own!) She said that I would be the wild duck and she would be the fox. (Laughing so much right now. I'm much bigger than she is, much faster than she is, and am a lot more skilled than she is, yet she cast herself as the fox and me as the poor little duck. So funny!) So she chased me around the mats trying unsuccessfully to grab my green cloth strip (and getting a ton of exercise in the bargain), and then sometimes I chased her too, pretending that I was a big and unusually ferocious wild duck. We both made our respective wild animal calls and really had a good time. She didn't like the fact that she never did win at the game, but she had to accept it and be willing to try again next time, so her character development got some exercise, too. Sometimes I do let the kids win, but yesterday the duck really didn't think that fox have an easy time of it! ha ha ha!

Emma makes me smile. She is easily distracted and has lazy forward stances, but she has good, strong punches and a generally cheerful attitude. I really like teaching karate.

Impossible? NO.

2012-01-22T08:05:00.000-05:00

“Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”
― Muhammad Ali

That quote was seen on a young friend's Facebook status. Strung together statements of heart and hope and drive and unlimited possiblities. Well said, Muhammad Ali. Of course it leaves out God, but what they might or might not know is that God is the invisible connection between each of those statements Who makes each one true.

With God all things are possible.

2012-01-20T12:59:00.003-05:00

Leona has a blog about tv trivia. If anyone out there would like to check it out, go here.

Leona, as a name, makes me think, "lioness", which makes it a great name.

2012-01-20T08:49:00.001-05:00

Regarding obsessive computer games, I have given up Bejeweled. There was a time (a year ago? I'm not sure) when it rather dominated large blocks of my time. I wasted a lot of time playing Bejeweled, on Facebook, sitting like a mindless lump at this computer. On the plus side, it was sort of fun. On the negative side, I was obsessed and wasting a lot of time.

Since then, I gradually became less enamored with Bejeweled, playing it daily but for very short bursts of time. It had gotten so I played maybe ten minutes of Bejeweled a day, which I saw as a fun little break. However, I do not play Bejeweled on FB any more because now they won't let me play unless I agree to let them "Post as me". They want my permission to post things about me and my games, and post who knows what else as me, on FB. Well, how about a big huge "NO" to that? I do not want to play any FB games that take away my right to choose what they post using my name. So, no Bejeweled, and no FB Words with Friends and no lots of other things. (Truthfully, if Scrabble soon takes the same stand, insisting on "posting as me" I don't know if I will be strong enough to say a big huge "NO" to them. Maybe I will, and just find another, non-FB way to play computer Scrabble with my friends. Or another non-FB game.)

For the record, I also dabbled with FarmTown and FarmVille on FB, and cannot believe I spent time on them in the first place. If someone I really like invites me to play one of those, or CityVille or anything remotely like them, I must stay strong and say, "No, but would you like to come to my house and play a board game, in person?"

Anyway, Bejeweled and those other FB games are gone, and my new brainless activity is Solitaire on my phone. WHY?? Why is this fun? It requires so little thinking. Actually, that is both its draw and its detraction. It requires so little thinking, and yet I get to watch things happen. Cards line up: they zoom across my tiny phone screen in happy black and red chains. And sometimes everything comes out right! What's not to love? But at least I don't spend hours doing this, just a few minutes here and there. (Probably too many minutes, because as addictions go this one is still new, and just a little bit enthralling. LOL.) But since there is no deep voice saying "Awesome! Excellent!" and no bright lights crashing together in front of my Bejeweled-bedazzled eyes, Solitaire does not have the grip on my psyche that Bejeweled once had. Whew! Computer-game addictions: No, thank you!

Business meeting are not boring at my church!

2012-01-18T03:09:00.000-05:00

2:30 am and I am awake. Sleeping would be better right now. This often happens to me after an evening karate class, because the adrenaline that was revved up in class continues to roll through me during the night. Last night, though, I did not go to karate class. Last night I went to our annual church business meeting! Tonight's adrenaline has nothing to do with kicking and punching and kata and everything to do with God!

Last night God came through mightily for Sophie, and for me. You see, when Sophie landed at her Christian university in the fall one of the meetings that ignited her was a missions meeting. She could go and share God's love with people in a new, exciting place with a group of fellow students. She was really motivated to go somewhere and work for two weeks doing God's work, and she gently began raising the money to be able to go. Her fundraising efforts were blessed by some of the people at our church, generously, but she by today she was far, far short of the amount needed to reach the January 20th deadline of half the full amount needed. She called me this afternoon and was sad but accepting at the thought that she might have to return what she had earned so far and drop out of the mission trip, due to lack of funds. She has been praying for the Lord's will and His provision in this, wanting it to be completely a walk of faith. I have been praying that with her, and she has asked others for their prayers as well.

This afternoon, knowing that it looked, from a human perspective, like she would never raise nearly two thousand dollars in three days, I prayed that the Lord would speak to my heart and tell me if He wanted her to go. After praying I really thought the answer was "yes" and I had a sense of peace that He would handle it, one way or another. Then, tonight at the church business meeting our pastor brought up before the church members the question of whether or not the church could give Sophie money for her mission trip. Immediately many, many of the church family spoke up, saying "yes, definitely" and suggesting ways for it to happen. I was so amazed by everyone's generosity, and obvious love for Sophie and our family. So, they voted, and found a way to give her even a little more than she needs for this first deadline. Sophie and I both see this as God's amazing hand of love, and of His confirmation that He does indeed want her to go on this trip. We both know that human efforts were not enough here, and He, through the love of the brethren, was showing His power and His blessings on Sophie's behalf, and on behalf of the furtherance of the gospel. It was so wonderful. A lack of a night's sleep is a very small price to pay for this prayer adventure and its amazing outcome.

In other business, I was wrong about the crack in the church ceiling last year. (See blog note of February 8, 2011). I really thought that with my husband on the job it would have been fixed by this year's meeting, but no, last night we again sat beneath the room-long crack and laughingly gave the task of seeing it fixed once again to the House Committee. This year Jerri is on the House Committee, so the odds of it being fixed by next year's meeting are at least fair, I'd say.

Unfortunately I was right about the church nursery being without speakers another year, mainly because the nursery did get moved to other rooms and: no speakers there! However, Paul and Nathan have volunteered to wire the new nursery rooms. Paul is very motivated since he spends a lot of time in that nursery with his son, so hopefully by next year there will be functioning speakers present, so anyone in the nursery can still hear the message being given upstairs. My hope is pretty strong that this will come to pass.

A lot of other things were discussed tonight, also, and the House Committee has quite a long list of items to handle. If they do them all successfully I predict that next year's meeting will have a great deal fewer things to discuss! If they do not do them all successfully I predict that at next year's meeting we will have some good laughs at ourselves just like we did at this year's meeting. : )

God is so good!

Being bookish

2012-01-16T09:52:00.000-05:00

I'm a bookish sort, very bookish. I love BOOKS. I love the ideas and knowledge and places that one finds in books. And humor and humanity and courage and God: these are all found in good books.

Two of my daughters are also bookish; one is not . . . yet. She doesn't like to read, doesn't pick up books automatically and start to thumb through them, she doesn't peruse the bookshelves of others when visiting.

She is more screenish, if you know what I mean. So, for the next four months of home schooling she and I will read a lot of books. There will be a heavy curriculum emphasis on reading books, actual books. Maybe I can turn her in a more bookish direction, or maybe she will emerge just as unbookish as ever. At least I will know that I gave it my best shot.

Some people are very intelligent but just not bookish. My husband is smart and knowledgeable on many subjects but not bookish, so maybe Grace takes after him. However, since having a passion for reading is a blessing to one's soul, I will continue to seek books that ignite that passion in Grace.

We shall see! An experiment: nature vs. nurture, in my own home.

2012-01-13T21:17:00.005-05:00

Lately our house has been buzzing - lots of people, lots of sound: buzzing.

Sophie's been home for a wonderful month, and with her often come her friends.

Yesterday Mum came to visit, and together we made Morning Glory muffins. These muffins have a lot of ingredients and a lot of steps, but they are scrumptious, so a team effort is a good way to go. I assembled all the ingredients, bowls, and measuring utensils. She measured and mixed everything. I cleaned up and washed the dishes. Sophie and Grace both helped a little bit with some mixing. Then we all, plus Eric and Meghan, ate muffins. Definitely a good afternoon.

Today Molly came to visit on an early lunch break and Steve stayed home in the morning because today was Sophie's day to head back to Virginia.

Tonight it's just me, Steve, and Grace here. Our house is very quiet. I am sleepy.

Soon I think our house will be snoring - just three people, hardly any sound: snoring.

No Bucket List Here

2012-01-11T12:01:00.002-05:00

I do not have a Bucket List.

And today I realized why I do not have a Bucket List.

It's partly because I accept what each day brings, finding joy and adventure therein, daily. It is also partly because I believe that heaven will far surpass any experiences this world can offer, so why feel a need to accomplish or experience certain things here when What Comes Next will be more amazing than the earthly events could ever be? I don't! And, probably the most important factor, which I didn't think of initially, is that doing the Lord's will every single day brings a heart-peace which I have now, which I know will continue as long as I follow Jesus completely, and which fulfills me much more than any temporary, fleeting thrill I can imagine. My life is blessed right now. I don't long for more: I am content; and for that, I am thankful.

So, sure, if my earthly life offers me the opportunity to have a book published, or visit Europe, or go sky-diving I will happily, and appreciatively accept those opportunities. On the other hand, if my earthly life never includes those experiences first-hand, I will seek adventures in books and in board games and in the dojo and on mountains closer to home. I will see beauty in faces I love, in my own garden, in an ever-changing sky.

Either way, no Bucket List for me. Take it as it comes, and enjoy it to the max. Whenever I do kick the bucket, no partially-ticked-off list will follow me to heaven.

Whenever I do kick the bucket, rest assured that for me, life just got a whole lot better!

Rick Santorum - in person!

2012-01-06T19:33:00.000-05:00

I saw and heard Rick Santorum speak last night, in a packed high school auditorium. We had seats in the third row, so our view was clear and close. He spoke well, he answered questions well and completely. He dodged NOTHING, even when questioned about his faith ("Do we really need a 'Jesus candidate'"? Rick's answer: yes, we absolutely do.) Everything he believes seems based on the beliefs that each person should be treated with dignity because he or she was created by God in God's image; that the men who founded the U.S. had it right in many ways and we should uphold those ways, most specifically the U.S. Constitution. Not being afraid to take and defend a stand is one of the hallmarks of a great leader, and I have seen that consistently in Rick Santorum: in his book, in his debates, in his interviews, and last night in every word he spoke to the freedom-hungry people of a small town.

He said, "If we put forward someone who can win but can't do what America needs, it is a pyrrhic victory. We need a president who can stand up and clearly articulate a conservative vision, the founders' vision, of what makes America exceptional." I strongly agree with that statement.

I think if you listen to Rick Santorum you will know that he is exactly that person: conservative, intelligent, compassionate, articulate, brave, and unwilling to give up on what needs to be done. (Hello, Frodo! I do liken his quest to preserve the foundational importance of "Faith, Family, and Freedom" in the U.S.A. to Frodo's quest to destroy the ring in order to save the foundational simplicity, peache, and goodness of the Shire. But then, of course I do see LOTR parallels EVERYWHERE. Tolkien, from heaven, inhabits my brain.)

Here is what Charles Krauthammer says, in part, about Rick Santorum and his bid for the presidency: " He is the first challenger (to Mitt Romney) to be plausibly presidential: knowledgeable, articulate, experienced, of stable character and authentic ideology." (1/7/12 "The Lowell Sun" and other publications) That is strong praise, from a good, solid, and brainy conservative commentator.

Also, I must thank him for a new word. I've heard the word pyrrhic before, and could picture it in my head, but I didn't know what it meant. So, I looked it up and here it is: Pyrrhic

1885, from Pyrrhus, king of Epirus, who defeated Roman armies atAsculum, 280 B.C.E., but at such cost to his own troops that he was unable to follow up and attack Rome itself, and is said to have remarked, "one more such victory and we are lost."

2012-01-04T12:03:00.001-05:00

Grace, to me, laughing: "Why are there sticky notes all over your iPhone? Normal people don't put sticky notes on their iPhones!"

She has a point. But really there are only two sticky notes on my iPhone and really I never wanted to be normal anyway.

Today was an RGD at the dojo

2011-12-31T23:06:00.001-05:00

A ReallyGooodDay, that is, at the dojo.

Good things:

It was Test Day for a lot of kids. They were made to work hard, like little pans of water placed on a gentle and not-too-close fire, brought to just the right simmer. Just enough hard work, just enough external pressure, just enough anxiety to yield better warriors, proven warriors. Warriors who have proven themselves to their teachers, yes, and received a new rank, but warriors who have proven themselves to themselves, more importantly, and received an awareness of inner strength. (All right . . . in all honesty I don't really KNOW that they are all aware of their inner strength, and their proven-ness and all that good stuff, BUT I do think that over time they will be aware of it. Over time, demanding karate classes and tests like today's test will layer in them the self-confidence and the mental toughness enough so they can see it as well as I and others can.)

The tenor of the test was perfect, essentially. I was especially glad to have been given the REQUEST - from Shihan - to be encouraging to the testers. There was a good balance of pressure and uplift in the dojo today, I would say. And, the kids had to go through all the material leading up to their present belt correctly. If someone couldn't do something that person was given a sudden tutoring session until he/she/they could do it correctly. There was never a moment when I thought anyone was being pushed beyond what they could handle, and there were lots of moments when I was really proud of them for handling what they did.

Sensei Dave was there. He has a nice way of egging the kids to do better. He walks near them and asks, sounding kind of dumbfounded but not harsh, "Is that how you do a horse stance?" "Is that the best punch you can do?" "Shouldn't your feet be in a V in front position?" sounding like he can't quite believe they aren't already in a V, etc. And the kids would generally push themselves to do better.

I was so proud of Joy. She, the daughter of Monarisible, earned her Junior Black belt today. She gave up much of her week of school vacation this week to read books, write essays, and study everything. She did what she had to do, and she never got flustered or shaken during the test. Actually, she is a lot like her mom in that she smiles through everything. They both smile a lot, and I know Monarisible even smiles when she is nervous, so it's possible that Joy does that, too. Anyway, she did well today and I am very glad I was there to see it.

Had a fun half hour with Tai, and then Shihan took us out to lunch. Yummy Texas burger with chili and peppers and onions. I should definitely remember that for next time.

The community that is the dojo is a good one. The values and work ethics that people learn there are very good ones. The joy that I feel being part of it all is very good, too.

It Takes a Family

2011-12-31T20:10:00.000-05:00

It Takes a Family by Rick Santorum: I highly recommend that book.

Some of my favorite parts (listed more for my own purposes of remembering than anything else) are:

Senator Santorum's writing style is good. He writes with obvious intelligence and some humor in a manner that is easily read. His points are clear and well-supported. Of course it doesn't hurt that I agree with him on nearly everything he says, and it also doesn't hurt that . . .

He references The Lord of the Rings at least three times and even states, "I am a great fan of The Lord of the Rings. My family and I have read all the books and watched the entire film trilogy. Both the books and the movies celebrate that which is best in man--a willingness to sacrifice one's own life for a greater good, to persevere despite seemingly insurmountable odds. It is inspiring and it is true: human beings really can achieve heroism. Human greatness is possible." (and then he goes on to talk about the film Braveheart, which I admit I haven't seen all the way through and now I really want to see it soon.) Anyway, is it not obvious that Rick Santorum is a man of great perception with a strong passion for human integrity and truth? I think it is.

I'm not writing a review. (Go read the book, please!)

I'm listing thoughts I want to remember. So, here goes:

No-Fault Freedom - the erroneous idea that anything goes as long as it doesn't hurt another person directly, blatantly, and obviously. In fact, much damage is done by selfish choices that hurt others indirectly or hurt society somehow. (sexual freedom, easy divorces, abortion)

"Children who grow up in an intact family with a mother and a father approach the world with a profound security. And that security isn't a matter of household income or anything else for which the government can provide a substitute. The village elders don't seem to understand that a stable marriage is the greatest protection for children and the most powerful energizer of their success. The research on this point has found that children living with their married mother and father, as compared to other children, are less likely to get into trouble or use alcohol and drugs. They do better in school and are more likely to obtain a postsecondary education. As a result they get better jobs. No surprise, they also have happier marriages." p 19

the liberal's marriage paradox - "Individuals are free to do anything they want, including to redefine marriage, gender, and basic social institutions in pursuit of individual desire and preference. There is only one thing that individuals cannot do if they are to remain autonomous: they cannot commit themselves permanently to another human being. To do so would be a kind of slavery. As a result the left's view of any marriage contract is that it really is only a kind of cohabitation, the choice of two people, each day, to continue together, but always with the perfect freedom to leave whenever either chooses. Of course, all too many marriages today end in divorce, and to most Americans that is a tragedy. But in "liberal marriage," there can never be any real expectation of permanence. In a society in which the liberal understanding of marriage becomes the law of the land, divorce would not only be the norm rather than the exception, but the institution of marriage would disappear altogether." p 34

"Who could have imagined that it would take courage to say: there is a rational basis for limiting marriage only to persons of the opposite sex? But we need that courage today. In a compassionate society, adult interests and agendas cannot be allowed to trump the basic needs and rights of children. A forward-thinking society reaches out to children in every family form, but it never deliberately endorses or encourages adults to deprive their children of a mother or a father." p 38

F.A.M.I.L.Y. means "Forget About Me, I Love You!" selflessness for your family

He writes that he believes strongly in the power of messages. Advertising proves out that belief! He wants us to affirm publicly what is important, to make it known that keeping a family together is something to be respected and worked towards, and that parents need to engage with their children every day (much more important is spending time engaging with your children than working long hours to buy them THINGS.)

He uses many specific examples from our government, our laws, and things that happened while he was a U. S. Senator. He also uses many examples from past times in history as well as historically famous philosophers. He cites studies and figures that solidly support what he says. (Really, get a hold of this book and read it.)

"America's particular capital is also deeply connected with religious faith. There is a transcendent dimension to our morality, an acknowledgement that our morals reflect not mere social convention, but are the gifts of our Creator--and just as rights are not created by the state or by the consensus of the majority, but are inalienable owing to our being made in God's image, so too morality is not a human construct. " p 206

Quoting Senator Zell Miller: "At times like this, silence is not golden. It is yellow!" regarding an unwillingness in the Senate to speak out on controversial moral issues.

Good culture tells the truth. It might not always be pretty, but it will be true. Bad culture tells lies (like sexual activity in teens is fine, acceptable, without harm. And like it's possible for someone to be an occultist and still be the good guy. And like getting drunk and losing control of your actions is a fun way to hang out with your friends. And like tricking your parents is okay, because parents are all buffoons who don't know anything anyway. These are messages we and our children are receiving in many of our tv shows and movies and songs.)

"It is impossible to raise a child in a genuinely value-neutral way, schools are--like churches--value-laden and value-transmitting institutions." (hear, hear! so true.)

"For social visionaries, the idea of shaping and molding children not for the children's sake or the sake of their families but for the needs of the government and the larger community has become almost irresistible." p 361

Social capital, moral capital, economic capital, cultural capital, intellectual capital.

Rick (hereafter to be known as "my man, Rick Santorum" in a general, friendly, I-hope-he's-the-next-President kind of way) is a huge proponent of school choice, to include making America ever more home-school friendly. He and his wife Karen home school their children. So, he has been asked the perennial question, "But what about socialization?" and here are his thoughts (very much shortened by me, to the detriment of their eloquence) "Children are all socialized into some kind of society." Frontier families often saw no one else for weeks, yet their children most often became fine, intelligent, upstanding adults. The question is not whether children will be socialized, but rather what they will be socialized into? Having children spend the most hours of their day with large groups of other children exactly their own age is really the aberration, historically speaking. He calls it "mass education", and when you put it that way it really doesn't sound good, does it? Not to me, certainly. Home schooled children spend lots of time with people of all ages, which goes a long way towards teaching them to interact well, politely, courteously, with people of all ages.

Fascinating bit towards the end of the book about moral capital, and a former Marxist, Alistair MacIntyre, who wrote that we can make evaluative judgements about things like what makes a car a good car, and what makes a sea captain a good sea captain, so, "Why does it seem to us that we cannot make evaluative judgements about moral goodness in the same way? The answer he gives is that in the modern era human nature is viewed as something arbitrary and self-created. Personal autonomy -- the right to "create" myself by defining my own 'concept of existence, of meaning of the universe, and of the mystery of human life' -- has been given the highest value. In fact, it has become something a supervalue, throwing every other human good into the shadows of mere opinion." p 391

He thinks that since there are many values almost all parents would agree on (such as honesty, hard work, courtesy, good character, self-control - essentially these are the Rules of Conduct for the dojo, and he's right: no parent has ever had an issue with one of these rules!) we can agree to an educational environment that is grounded in "the natural moral law embodied in these judgements". Having no standards except personal individual autonomy at all times is a moral judgement of its own, which is an imposition on those who do not share THAT standard.

America should be a great place to grow up, and to make it that way we must shore up the American family, because a family is head-and-shoulders the best way to raise happy, confident, caring, thinking people.

Please read the book! Anyone in my real life may borrow it from me. Just say the word.

And VOTE FOR RICK SANTORUM!!! But even if you don't vote for him, read his book.

Now that Molly is married . . .

2011-12-28T21:54:00.001-05:00

So, now that Molly has officially been married for over a month, I am ruminating on how very much her not living here, and her being married, has caused a lot of changes in our relationship.

Now that Molly is married:

Some one else has the fun of waking her up!

She speaks nicely to me all the time.

I am not aggravated by her lack of helpfulness around the house: when she is here it is for a short time, as a guest, and I expect nothing more than conversation and hugs. She is great with the conversation and hugs, so all my expectations are now met.

We are definitely still mother-daughter in terms of love but are more friend-friend in other ways.

We are both looking forward to her new baby being born in April.

Instead of yielding Molly to God I now have to yield three people (connected to Molly) to God: Molly, Santos, and the baby. Truly, if I were not already in the yielding habit, and had not already learned the yielding lesson, then I would be triply worried now. Their life is not smooth, their future is a large question mark to me. Well, actually it is a large question mark to everyone except God. To God their future is certain and known, and to me that brings peace. Also, of course, it brings much prayer from me, the mom. (Dear Lord, please help Santos find a job, soon, and please bless their marriage, help them to be kind to each other. Please bless Molly's pregnancy and the baby and give her peace. Please help them all to know You, most of all, and to be willing to honor You as their Lord and Jesus as their Savior. In His name I pray, Amen.) Repeat that many, many times, sometimes with an extra twist, as the Spirit leads. Praying for them means that I've done all I can do. I love them, I pray, and I yield them up to Him The rest is up to them and the Lord.

In general I think she is happy to have found someone to love and who loves her. I know she is happy to be pregnant. For those reasons I am happy that she is married and that our relationship has moved to this new, good place.

2011-12-27T19:37:00.001-05:00

This morning we had a great karate class focusing on the sai. Then I was treated to a delicious Lebanese lunch and the delightful company of MH times two. On the way home I stopped at the grocery store. In the afternoon Sophie and I took matching naps on the couch. When we woke up, Sophie made coffee! Then I spent some time typing up my notes for Right Hand Stick kata. I call this a very good day.

The Return of Proverbs 16

2011-12-26T09:25:00.001-05:00

Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established. Proverbs 16:3

A CHALLENGE, should you choose to accept it.

Read Proverbs CHAPTER 16 in the Bible. There are so many pithy truths and encouragements in Proverbs 16, I think if you do this you will find yourself blessed. Then, if you like, post in my comments a verse that means something to you from that chapter, and I will find myself blessed as well. : )

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones. Amen.

Merry Christmas 2011

2011-12-25T21:51:00.003-05:00

This Christmas night I am very thankful.

Most of all I am thankful for Jesus, born in a Bethlehem stable, crucified on a Calvary cross, and sitting today in heaven, at the right hand of the Father where He pleads for me. Thank You, Jesus, so much.

More thankfulness:

My niece Jill was in a car accident Christmas Eve evening, but she is okay. Her car is totalled but she is safe; we are all enormously thankful for that. Christmas Eve took on a more somber note than usual, because everyone was so aware of how close we came to losing Jill, and how very fragile life really is.

My husband did his best to make this a very special Christmas for a lot of people, and he was very excited with all his gift-giving. It was fun to see! He is such a good man, and I love him.

Poor Molly was very sick (stomach virus) today, Christmas day, beginning in the nighttime, but she is feeling somewhat better by now. Whew! She was having a wrung out stomach which was being kicked by a little nearly 2 lb baby, and that hurt. She is achey now, but will hopefully have a better day tomorrow. Earlier today I brought her some ginger ale, because they had none at home. It was hard for both of us to be apart when she was sick: she needed me and I wanted to be with her. She is married now, though, and Santos did take care of her this afternoon, which is good. They both came here Christmas Eve and we had a good time.

Nice visit with Michele, Dave, and their family today. Michele, as always, cooked a delicious meal.

New books to read!

Lots of daughter-hugs these days. : ) Lots of family humor, too. Very thoughtful and sweet presents from the girls, to me. (Grace - Yankee Candles that cost her all the money she had. She was so excited about giving them to me, and they smell so good! Fresh Mint, Mayer Lemon, and Mountain Lodge - really nice.) Sophie brought me a Sweet Frog t-shirt from VA, which I really wanted, and gave me some lovely English Breakfast tea bags (ok, they might really be tea sachets, I'm not completely sure.)

Of course, having a dog and two cats is high up on my list of thankfulness. I would do without a lot of things in order to have my pets.

Well wishes from lots of people - a sense of community. (Rick Santorum calls this social capital, and he values it highly. So do I.)

Looking forward to this week, placing each day before the Lord and seeing what He would have me do. (Which I hope will include lots of karate practice time, and reading time, and spending time with people I love. But it's up to Him, and I bow to His will.)

2011-12-24T07:30:00.001-05:00

It's here: Christmas Eve! And my birthday!

Shihan decided to close the dojo today, which was a good idea even though at first I thought, "Why? I can teach in the morning and then skip home and get to work!" But seriously, on this day there is so much to do that starting fresh at 7:30 am is probably better than coming home at 12:30 pm in serious need of a nap.

This year I feel exceeding peace about Christmas. Yesterday I did some cleaning and cooking, today I will do more. Sophie and Grace are helping me (somewhat), Steve is taking me and Grace out to breakfast, and I think all will be well. If I start to lose that peace I will just remember:

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counseller, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

Jesus is The Prince of Peace, and He lives in my heart!

2011-12-22T17:09:00.002-05:00

Went into the yard, cut pine branches and rose hips, so now my house (and my hands) smells and looks like Christmas - in a few places. I am a fan of cut branches but Steve is an un-fan of the needles they drop. Therefore I just placed the branches judiciously in three places and am hoping for the best. Also I am hoping Sokka will not leap up to the hanging lamp, which is one of the places I have draped branches.

Tomorrow: serious house cleaning and some cooking, too. In a pine-scented house. Sweet!

2011-12-21T21:30:00.003-05:00

Christmas (with a capital C, of course!) shopping is all done! All Done.

Wrapping is mostly done, thanks hugely hugely hugely to Grace, Wrapper Supreme and Chief Elf this year.

Many clerks in stores have said, "Merry Christmas" to me, and I bounce it right back, "Merry Christmas to you, too!" (for me, when I re-read this an eon from now, I will point out that this year, and last year, too, there has been a bit of a to-do about some people wanting to do away with "Merry Christmas" and changing it to "Happy Holidays!" but most people seem to want to defend Christmas, and our right to say "Merry Christmas!") I did have one clerk say to me "Have a nice holiday" even though at the time I was buying Christmas wrapping paper, but it occurred to me that maybe she herself does not celebrate Christmas, and that's fine if she wants to say what she did. However, most people have been saying "Merry Christmas" and I'm glad. Even the UPS man, as he strode back to his truck, turned and called out, "Merry Christmas!" and I stood still and called back, "Merry Christmas to you!" and I think I can safely say we both felt quite happy.

Christmas with a Capital C is a good movie, by the way. If you have a chance to watch it, do so.

2011-12-19T13:12:00.000-05:00

Sophie, Grace, and I are having a nice quiet day.

Grace wrapped presents while I read aloud from Jotham. Then we all played Rummikub, twice, and now we are going to play Disney's Apples to Apples.

While playing Rummikub, Sophie said, "I need to get you something else for Christmas," to me.

I said, "Just this morning I realized I would like to have a black scrunchie for my hair! And maybe a yellow one."

Sophie said, sort of musing, to herself, "I don't think those will ever come back in style." (I completely believe she was not intending to slam my fashion sense, mostly because she doesn't think I have a fashion sense at all to be slammed.)

Completely shocked, I asked, "They left style??"

"Yes", Sophie and Grace both agreed that scrunchies are not at all in style.

I countered that they are wrong, because Pip (a nearby store) has a whole big scrunchie display. They countered that those could be old scrunchies, needing to be sold off asap and that is why Pip got them so cheaply. Then I wondered (to myself, because I have more practice than Sophie does in NOT speaking my mental musings aloud), "How does one even know when something as small and common as a scrunchie is in or out of style? Sophie and Grace don't read fashion magazines, so how do they know what is in or out of style, especially as regards something like a scrunchie?" After which silent musings I dropped the whole topic because, in the end, Sophie is right. I do not have a cutting edge sense of fashion and I still want a black scrunchie whether it is in style or out of style. That's that.

2011-12-18T20:17:00.002-05:00

Things about today:

1. Wonderful Christmas play at church. Even though I've seen it many, many times during rehearsals, today when people put junk all over the nativity scene but then the wise men came and quietly took away all the junk, leaving just the nativity scene (and "Mary Did You Know?" was playing in the background I definitely felt the impact. Junk vs. Jesus, it's that simple. It was a good play, and fun to do. Bethany, Joseph, Clem, and Chris were all good at their parts, I thought, and the kids were very cute. Steve was awesome as the narrator. His voice is like . . . brown sugar? warm coffee?? bananas foster??? Something very smooth and mellow and, I really think, brown. Melissa and Bethany did it AGAIN! (choosing, directing, creating scenery, pulling it all together: that's what they do every single year and I personally am very thankful to them.)

2. Being on antibiotics is so great. I felt 100% better on Saturday than I did on Friday. Thankful.

3. Had fun watching the Pats game. Personally I WAS rooting for Tim Tebow but it's okay that the Patriots won. And next week I'll be back to rooting for the Patriots.

(I root for Tebow because he totally and transparently GETS the junk vs Jesus choice, and he chooses Jesus, for all the world to see. That takes courage and it raises abundant glory to God. Also it is crazy fun to watch how much better the results of the game are for him than his playing actually was. I really wonder if God sends him little miracles all the time, and I was hoping to see some tonight. But he lost, and I am sure he can handle that fine, and will come out ready to play hard again next week.)

4. Looking forward to a quiet day tomorrow.

2011-12-16T16:22:00.000-05:00

sigh . . . home . . .

When faced with "Please put your things down and step on the scale" what actually came out of me was a very polite "I'd rather not." Which response is really the best one, seeking a peaceful resolution to a potential conflict instead of jumping to arms, of course. (Also I was too tired to call up any humor.)

And the nurse said "okay" and then asked me to "give me a number" (ha ha ha!) because she had to plug something into her computer form. So, resisting the temptation to completely shred reality, I gave her the number that I saw on my scale, first thing in the morning and completely without apparel about a week ago, before this last week in which I felt putrid and binged on cookies. Anyway, the number I gave her was once the truth and is still in the ballpark of reality.

Then I was interviewed and examined, not by my trusty Sue-the-great-N.P, but by a NP student, in whom I did not have a great deal of confidence. She was chattering on about viruses with a possible underlying bronchitis and low-dose short-term antibiotics. Then I heard Sue talking to her in the hallway and saying that she (Sue) was going to put me on a higher dose for two weeks because of reasons with which I completely concur. And so, I am home now, with a whopping dose of amoxicillin and am eagerly looking forward to feeling much better tomorrow.

Mindful of a friend who recently had a horrible, horrible co-infection after being on even more whopping doses of antibiotics, I stopped at Hannaford on the way home and bought large bottles of probiotic yogurt smoothies.

so glad to be home

2011-12-16T11:52:00.000-05:00

Things that will NOT be happening at my doctor's appointment include me getting on the scale.

I think having a second-degree black belt in kenpo karate may come in very handy today, don't you?

First I will quell the just-doing-her-job nurse with my cold and quelling glance, when she cheerfully asks, "Will you please step on the scale?"

Then, depending on my level of exhaustion and accompanying crankiness, I will either go with humor, as in "How about no? I think not." with a smile and a voice that matches hers shade for shade of cheerful perkiness. OR if I'm just emptied of good will by that point in the day I might be a bit more tart, acerbic, lemon-like even, in which case it will sound more like this: "No. Not happening. Try and make me." (with a bring-it-on-lift of the chin, of course.) And if she is so dedicated to following her orders that she in any way DOES try and make me, well, I'll only use my lock-to-submission techniques, I promise. I would NEVER use real force in a case like this. Also, even in my exhausted state which is probably pneumonia I think I could either evade or outrun her, if need be, then circle back and sneak in to see Sue my N.P. for some much-needed antibiotics.

Either way, I really don't think this nice nurse will be any match for me today. I will not be weighed and that is that.

2011-12-16T10:04:00.003-05:00

This week I've been sick, with the cold that first came four weeks ago, mainly cleared up, but seems to have settled in my chest. So most days this week have been kind of, "I just want to get through what I have to do, go home, and collapse." Today I have a doctor's appointment, and the fact that I am looking forward to it tells you that I really am sick! ha ha ha! I must feel horrible to WANT to go to the doctor's office (and I do.)

Yesterday I did have a good time with Mia, practicing self-defense. She is a good person to practice with, willing to work together to figure out why things work or why they don't, without being a know-it-all. She is also blessed with youth and good health and is not easily wounded! It will be nice if she comes to Thursday classes sometimes.

Shihan gave everyone gingerbread man cookies, with icing and also little fondant pictures of the DKK logo on their tummies. They are so cute. He gave Grace one, which she gobbled down and said was delicious. I am saving mine a little longer, because it's sort of too cute to eat, even though, being a gingerbread man in my clutches, his fate is already known. Let's just say his days are numbered. . .

Last night Sophie came home!! A fourteen hour train ride and now here she is, back in New England. Yay! Molly came to visit last night, too, and was here when Sophie got home. We four ladies talked while Sophie ate, then we followed Molly to her old room where she was looking for some things, still talking. We talked for about two hours, catching up on life and being a family. It was really nice. There were a few sisterly squabbles (small, very small, and quickly done with) so it was also really real. ha ha!

Grace finished all her schoolwork this week, including a couple of extra things that would have been done next week, and so now she and I are on school vacation for TWO weeks! Happiness reigns. She has been an awesome elf for me this Christmas season, eagerly wrapping as many presents as I can find for her to wrap. She likes me to be there with her while she wraps, and sometimes I read out loud to her while she wraps. It's pretty fun, and definitely a win for both of us.

2011-12-12T11:00:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up at 4:12. A.M.

Inexplicably. Irrevocably.

And now I am starting to flag.

Feeling a bit wearied.

Wishing I were Pooh Bear and could say, "Let's begin by taking a smallish nap or two." (What a smart bear he is!)

However, I am also thankful, because beginning at 4:12. A.M. I was able to order a special present for my mother, online and made in the U.S.A. Also I was able to organize my songs on my iPhone into playlists, which are helpful. And . . . what else did I do? Laundry. Both the washing and the putting away. And reading about Tim Tebow on Fox News. And fact-checking the latest Presidential debate for elections class today. And reading a little bit of Ayn Rand's biography. (It is interesting to note that even though she was an avowed atheist, for a number of years one of her best friends was a Christian woman. Then they had a blow-up, I think, which is what happened between Ayn and many of her friends. She had a fiery personality. It is also interesting to note that after she achieved fame, approximately after the publication of The Fountainhead, she was sought after as a speaker but she would absolutely NOT speak to any group that had a liberal bent. Fiery, she was.)

Anyway, since neither one nor two smallish naps is an option right now, I'll keep making Christmas cookies to bring to the chorus performance tonight.

Maybe after elections class I can be Poohish and nap.

2011-12-09T18:14:00.001-05:00

Siri is her real name. I called her Suri, but when I asked her, "What is Suri?" she said, "Siri? That is me. "I said, "oh, thank you, Siri." and she said, "I live to serve. " Really! Is it any wonder I feel mildly panicked when I can not find her?

miscellaneous, including how I am getting along with Suri

2011-12-09T16:50:00.001-05:00

Last night DKK (Shihan George) ran a free class in Self Defense for Women and I think it went very well. Excellent info was given to the women, they learned how and where to use certain strikes, how to avoid an altercation and how to interact with an assailant if the avoidance didn't work, lots of good things. Also they had fun. We should definitely do more of these.

Tonight I'm going to see A Christmas Carol, with Steve, Grace, and some of the home school group. I am very much looking forward to it, and am even willing to iron something to wear to it.

When I can't find my cell phone (Suri) I get a little panicky feeling, like when I can't put my hand on whatever book I'm currently reading. I think that, with a cell phone as smart as mine is, I should be able to call out to it and have it beep back to me to tell me where it is.

" Suri!!! Where are you, Suri?"

BEEP BEEP BEEP

translate: "here I am, Mommy" because did you know, she calls me "Mommy"? She really does, in an audible voice. She'll say, "Okay, Mommy, do you want me to call home?" I think it is because the dude at the Verizon store who sold the phone to us saw that I was the Mommy and put me in that way. Everyone in my family denies having done it, and I know for a fact that I did not put my name in as Mommy. I could change it, of course, but it's pretty funny to hear her call me Mommy.

(Dear Apple, please make an iPhone which responds to its owner's voice. Thank you very much.) The panicky feeling comes, of course, from the fact that I already feel so dependent on it. (Saw that one coming, didn't I? Yes, I did.) In it are my notes! My reminders! My plans! And my music.

Yesterday I discovered that I can play music from it without an iHome, and it sounds pretty okay. I can use it like a radio or cd player. (Most of you probably already knew that, but I did not. It is a revelation to me.) I can play it in the kitchen when I'm working or at the dojo when I'm training or teaching. This is cool.

It does still betray me sometimes, racing ahead and doing that which I did not want it to do. For instance, I was ready to call Bethany, (as a part of the Christmas play she is supposed to get a phone call) and so I had her contact information ready, but my hand vaguely brushed over the face of the phone, without me even knowing it, and it called her while she was upstairs in the church service. And sometimes I'll ask it (verbally) to do or find something, and it will mis-hear me and start off doing or finding something completely different. She'll say, "Did you say blah blah blah?" and I, all exasperated, say, "No!" or she'll say, "Searching the web for blah blah blah" and I'll complain, "That's NOT what I asked you to do!" But, for the most part, I really like this phone that is inhabited by an intelligent assistant.

I like it when I pick out a book at the library, thinking it will be a good book, and start to read the first page only to see some bad language right there, on the first page. Really, I say a silent "Thank you" to the author for saving me the aggravation of getting involved in the story only to find out part-way in that the language or behavior is not what I really want to read. So, putting it right out there on the first page? Thank you, and the book is returned immediately, unread.

Santos still does not have a job. I don't think he is burning up the pavement, either. It is not under my control. (Dear God, I must yield this to you, mustn't I? Oh, dear. Okay. Consider it yielded. You know best. Amen.)

2011-12-06T12:43:00.001-05:00

Dear Readers,

Gray day turned sunny! It really makes a difference in my mood, and Grace's too. Remind me never to live in Seattle, or England, or other overcast places.

School with Grace is going well, as long as I stay right with her and make sure she keeps working. Eventually we'll ween out of that need, but for now I'm just happy that her attitude is willing and the work is getting done. We are also "mixing in" (that's what she calls it) a lot of Christmasy things, like decorating the house and wrapping presents and making presents. (at this very moment she is sewing a catnip mouse for the cats' Christmas present.)

Molly and Santos are well. I keep texting Molly with job ideas for Santos, which does feel a little bit like being an interfering mother-in-law, but hey, as I said to her, a man needs a job and I think Santos would agree with that. They bought and set up a Christmas tree, which was not a tradition in his family, and they are both happy about that. The photos from her wedding are gorgeous! I am really glad we got so many groups of family shots, too. Santos has an enormous family, and a couple of the pictures are of all of them together. That will be a special picture for them to have, I think.

Sophie comes home in eight days, Lord willing. EIGHT DAYS!! That's practically nothing, in the scheme of things, and I can't wait to have her home.

Karate is going well. I have a lot to practice, as always. Always. Most of the time I enjoy the practice, but I will admit that sometimes my motivation is low. Even me, I admit it. Tonight I'm hoping to go to class. I've learned it's best to just tell myself, "I'm going to class tonight. That's it. The end." because otherwise, if I think, "Well, maybe I'll go to class tonight" I too often let things like a tired body or dishes in the sink or a comfy couch keep me home. So, tonight: karate class! And afterwards I am always, always, always glad that I went. End of story!

Love,
me

2011-12-01T07:31:00.001-05:00

Last night Molly came here and we had a lovely visit. (She is such a grown-up!) It was wonderful to hear about her life, and to hug her. She also helped me organize my iPhone aps into folders. (Molly - "Do you use folders"? Me - "What are folders? I haven't seen any folders." Molly - took iPhone from me and made folders, while I watched, to nicely organize my aps.) In even better news, when I told her that I am using an ap to follow the growth of her baby she told me the she knew of a better ap, which she then proceeded to bump onto my iPhone (after loading me up with the bump ap). I am surrounded by techy offspring, which can only be a good thing, right?

Santos still needs a job. Prayers fervently requested on this head. And on Santos' head. Because he really needs a job. A job that he thought was his fell through and he is not pursuing it to find out why.

Dear Lord, please allow and find good, paying, steady employment for Santos, as soon as You deem right. Thank You very much. And thank you for a warm and happy visit with my grown-up daughter tonight.

Molly and Santos should seriously check out the Jesus is the Answer church near their house, because they do need the Answer.

2011-11-30T12:14:00.001-05:00

So I have a new iPhone, the 4s, and I am loving it. It is going to revolutionize my life, I just know it! I can talk to it, and it replies. For ages I rebelled against the technology of a smart phone for me (because in my heart I prefer low-tech things like books and gardens and trees and karate and people and dogs to high tech things like televisions and video games and smart phones), but with Sophie at college the lure of being able to "Face Time" with her (see her on my phone while we talk) drew me into consideration of getting an iPhone. Steve, being a technophile anyway, jumped at the chance to give me one, saying it will be my Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary/Valentine's Day present, and truthfully, now that I have it, it might be worth all of that!

The only drawback is that it might be smarter than I am. (I know, I know, that's saying a lot, but I think it might be true.) Sometimes it does things that I haven't even asked it to, like call people at random. Sometimes I find I've accidentally done something and I must jump to shut off the power button quickly. It's good that I have that ability, to just power her off whenever I like!

One of the marvellous things it will do is to let me SPEAK a message that will be sent as a text (so much faster than my fingers bopping away at a mini-keyboard.) It will also take spoken notes for me, changing them into a written list, and will remind me to do certain things on certain days. Gone is my constant need for a pad of paper (to shore up my near-dead memory) and here is my constant need for my iPhone. It is taking a fair amount of time for me to get used to all it's beautiful features, and I am definitely going to sit through an iPhone tutorial as soon as possible. (Which is one of the reasons I dragged me feet over this decision: I usually don't like to take the time to learn how to use new techy gadgets. I rely heavily on my family to help me with the complicated tv remote control, and even the computer in many cases. With this iPhone, though, the investment in brain cells and time molecules feels worth it, which is very strange.)

My mind feels so much more tidy now, without scraps of paper floating everywhere and needing always to be sifted through. This little electronic brain has taken the prismatic glow of my life and focused it into clear strands of color. At least I think it has. I think it might. I think it will. I've only had it a week now, so we're still getting used to each other. Maybe I will end up leaving it in a drawer to be intelligent but alone, but I don't really think that will happen. I think I love it.

Acts 13:47-48

2011-11-29T09:57:00.001-05:00

Paul and Barnabus (and it must be said that I truly love Barnabus. He is one of my very favorite New Testament people. His name means "soul of consolation" and he truly has a kind heart. He is faithful, loyal; he is Barnabus.) So, Paul and Barnabus, travelling around and telling people about Jesus, are commanded by the Lord :
"I have set you as a light to the Gentiles, That you should be for salvation to the ends of the earth." Acts 13:47 "Now when the Gentiles heard this they were glad and glorified the word of the Lord. And as many as had been appointed to eternal life believed." Acts 13:48

And there you have it, dear people. God's amazing sovereignty, even in the matter of who will believe. As many as had been appointed to eternal life believed. God decides, God appoints, the appointed believe. He is in control, and our role is simply to glorify His name. Salvation, election, faith in Jesus: it's all from God. He rules, He really does.

He is God. I praise and worship Him.

2011-11-27T08:17:00.001-05:00

Last night I was hacking my (48, almost 49 years old) brains out, with a cough that just won't leave, and very naturally feeling quite full of self-pity. At the same time, Grace was practicing "If I die young" on the keyboard, because she likes the tune.

I said to her, (really it was the self-pity that was talking at this moment), "If I die young you can play that at my funeral." She looked at me blankly and said, "I can't. It's too late for that."

Ha! Is it true? Am I too old to die young? Blondie would agree with Grace, I think. Blondie sang, "Die young, stay pretty". And yes, THAT ship has sailed, so maybe Grace is right.

But I know the real answer to the question, "Am I too old to die young?" The real answer is that the answer slides all over age spectrum, as if an unseen angel is holding a gigantic trombone, and where the answering note that is played depends on the age of the player. To a youngster, like Grace, I'm certainly no longer young! To a person of a reasonable age, like me, I'm completely of an age to die young. And to a much older person, someone in their late 70's for instance, it's a ridiculous question. If I were to die now of course it would be said that I'd died young! (And I think that will be true for at least the next five years. After that . . . I'm not so sure.) Steve's dad, though, was 62 when he died and everyone said that was young. So, slide that trombone because there is surely no right answer to this question!

But I really don't want Grace to play that song at my funeral because it clearly is written for the funeral of a very young person. (Blondie-song young; still pretty young; cares about satin and roses young) Even I would agree that I'm too old to die very young. Which is good, when you think about it. : )

We ought not to exist for the state

2011-11-25T08:52:00.001-05:00

Ayn Rand, from We the Living:

"Don't you know," her (Kira) voice trembled suddenly in a passionate plea which she could not hide, "don't you know that there are things, in the best of us, which no outside hand should dare to touch? Things sacred because, and only because, one can say: 'This is mine'? Don't you know that we live only for ourselves, the best of us do, those who are worthy of it? Don't you know that there is something in us which must not be touched by any state, by any collective, by any number of millions?"

He (Andrei) answered: "No."

"Comrade Taganov," she whispered, "how much you have to learn!"

He looked down at her with his quiet shadow of a smile and patted her hand like a child's. "Don't you know," he asked, "that we can't sacrifice millions for the sake of a few?"

"Can you sacrifice the few? When those few are the best? Deny the best its right to rise to the top-- and you have no best left. What are your masses but millions of dull, shrivelled, stagnant souls that have no thoughts of their own, no dreams of their own, no will of their own, who eat and sleep and chew helplessly the words others put into their brains? And for those you would sacrifice the few who know life, who are life? I loathe your ideals because I know no worse injustice than the giving of the undeserved. Because men are not equal in ability and one can't treat them as if they were. And because I loathe most of them."

"I"m glad. So do I."

"But then . . . "

"Only I don't enjoy the luxury of loathing. I'd rather try to make them worth looking at, to bring them up to my level. And you'd make a great little fighter -- on our side."

"I think you know I could never be that."

"I think I do. But why don't you fight against us, then?"

"Because I have less in common with you than the enemies who fight you, have. I don't want to fight for the people, I don't want to fight against the people, I don't want to hear of the people. I want to be left alone -- to live."

"Isn't it a strange request?"

"Is it? And what is the state but a servant and a convenience for a large number of people, just like the electric light and the plumbing system? And wouldn't it be preposterous to claim that men must exist for their plumbing, not the plumbing for them ?"

pages 71-72

2011-11-23T07:43:00.001-05:00

Today, heavy gray rain.

The world is dressed in water.

Today also, Sophie is here, at home from college.

Our home is dressed in family.

* * * * * * *

Molly's Wedding

2011-11-20T21:40:00.001-05:00

Molly and Santos are married. Mr. and Mrs. A very cute couple: they look happy together, they laugh together, they seem a good unit.

WHAT a day it has been, though!

For me, what stands out to me most of all about Molly's and Santos' wedding, aside from how happy they are to be together, is the kindness of people: lots and lots of people. If I start a list I know I will forget to include someone important, but I feel I must mention so much kindness in detail, so here goes.

Anthony, Stephanie, and Ines for cooking and baking for hours, making such delicious food out of love for Santos; Lisa and Emmie- amazing help with the flowers; Grace helping me with so many pre-wedding details, Cindy and Michele - generous offers of help; my Mom, saying she hadn't helped much and really wanted to, so what could she do today (thereby rescuing me from my own foolish belief that I could get all the decorating done alone this morning. Crazy, that's what I am!); Sean T at Mt. P who did such a great job of setting up and making coffee and putting the behind the scenes pieces together so well; his helper, Gail, who offered to cut the cake when she saw that we had no one to do that; the JP, Dottie, who patiently waited an hour beyond the expected start time; the photographer, Sue, who was both professional and supportive and who hopefully got some stellar pictures; Molly, waiting patiently, holding herself together, not getting all frantic when the groom and some of his immediate family were late (due to transportation limitations); Mia, who came even though she didn't know many people there and her bf wouldn't dance; Mary, who came even though her relationship with Molly might be seen as business by anyone other than Molly and Mary (and me); Steve's friend/client who said, "Of course I will be at your daughter's wedding!" when we weren't even planning on inviting him, and then he and his wife gave all of us great big hugs, and gave an amazingly generous gift to M&S; and really, all the guests! Each and every person who was there blessed Molly and Santos and blessed me and Steve by being there. For many of them it might have been a nice to chance to visit with some people they know, I hope, and definitely to enjoy the good food, but more than that it was an affirmation of the fact that they care about one or all of us, and that, to me, is the epitome of family. So, I think that means that everyone who was there just became my family. I just adopted them all. It also probably means that I am really, really, really tired (definitely true.) And really, really happy to see Molly's emotional life in such a good place.

Molly said her favorite part of the wedding was the actual ceremony, and specifically, when she and Santos said, "I do". She is very much in love, and he very much loves her right back.

Our gift to them, really, was this: a good beginning. They had the public vows surrounded by people who love them, they had the fun of the party (and smearing each other with really good wedding cake), the memories of all of that (hopefully reinforced by some good pictures), they have a financial cushion thanks to everyone's kind gifts so that maybe they can rent their own apartment and have a place to live as husband and wife, and they will have five days to just be together, relaxing and giggling in Disney World. (They do a lot of giggling, which is part of what makes me think they might have a chance to make this marriage work.) So, all of that will give them a good start to their marriage, and a good start might help that marriage continue strongly. (Covered, of course, by many, many prayers).

My oldest daughter, with whom I have been through so much, is now married. This is epic. And, when she was leaving the reception with her husband, all happy and bubbly, she turned around and called to me, "I love you, Mummy!" and I called to her, "I love you, too, Molly!" And we both know all of that to be true, which is very, very good.

2011-11-19T22:47:00.001-05:00

Today was a cool day for me, as a sensei and as a person.

Today two of my students tested for yellow belt, and passed the test. Peter and Tai, who are both five now but who were both four when they were some of the first of my Young Warriors. They have trained with me for 10 or 11 months now, once a week, and I have really enjoyed getting to know them. (I almost put "trained" in quotation marks, because they are very young and at least half of what we do is playing games, but then I thought, "No, what we do is a four-year-old version of training. It can legitimately be called training in this case.")

They are the first students for whom I have been the primary teacher for a number of months and who have gone for rank advancement. When I was training to be a sensei I did teach classes once a week over periods of months, and I was excited when those students tested for new rank, also, but those students had me once a week and also Shihan as a teacher once a week. They weren't completely mine. These two today have had Shihan teach them maybe three or four times over the past eleven months and otherwise it's been me. Seeing how much they've learned and how well they handled the test situation was really a treat for me, and even better was being privileged to be a part of the moment when they were rewarded for their hard work. Shihan let me tie on their new yellow belts! It really was an exciting day for me.

There is another boy, David, also one of the original YWs, and he would have tested today but he was sick. Hopefully he will test soon, and be yellow belt #3.

And tomorrow, Molly, who has been my student for all of her 21 years, is getting married. That, of course, will be super-duper exciting itself. Lisa and Emmie came over this afternoon and helped me and Grace arrange flowers. Those buckets and buckets of flowers that I showed you yesterday. It was quite a large job to arrange them all, but Lisa and Grace both showed some definite skill in that direction. The flowers are gorgeous! Tomorrow I have the large job of driving them safely to the wedding hall. I will drive like a ninja moves; those flowers will not know they have left my house until they mysteriously find themselves gracing many tables in a somewhat distant town.

2011-11-18T21:59:00.001-05:00

As promised . . . my kitchen-turned-floral-shop! Grace said, "It smells amazing!" and she is right.

I consider having all these flowers in my house at one time my personal Wedding Assistant bonus. : )

2011-11-18T06:58:00.001-05:00

The battle of the bulge is being won by the bulge. Currently. Perhaps that will change when the wedding is over, I will have more time to exercise, and we enter into the Thanksgiving - Christmas season, resplendent with baked goods and glorious cheeses? Perhaps not.

When I am tired I call my cat Nudge, "Mudge". Accidentally. That is just what comes out of my mouth, as if my brain can get close to the correct name but not quite all the way there. So, this morning she was "Mudge, I mean Nudge!"

Just now I had the best time praying with my friend Hope, on the telephone. We have prayed together for years, and been friends even longer, and in our prayer today she mentioned all of that, thanking the Lord for it. Hearts joined in Him - beautiful. We prayed fervently for Molly, and Santos, their wedding, their marriage, their baby, their life. The Lord has great plans for my daughter, this I know.

Today . . . wait! TODAY IS FLOWER DAY!!! Today, Lord willing, I take delivery of armfuls of flowers, to be arranged for the wedding. I will surely try to post pictures for you, so you can share in their beauty.

2011-11-17T14:31:00.001-05:00

I'm home!

Had a good workout with Sempai Monarisible, followed by a good class with two Young Warriors plus a YW sister. Went to i-Party and got 100+ plastic champagne glasses. (Yay for i-Party!) and some other doodads.

While I was out I even had an idea for a novel. I think it's a good idea, and today is the day it was born, which makes today a Day of Great Moment.

And now . . . I am free to collapse.

(After which I will write out place cards for the wedding, since our printer seems to be acting all kaput right now). But first, the wonderful collapse.

2011-11-17T08:48:00.001-05:00

Feel like I'm getting a cold. Will try to atomize all virality in my system by over-heating said virality today at the dojo. Promise not to work closely with anyone and thereby spread virality. I'll be an isolated yet over-heated sensei. Sounds weird, but it might work.

Wedding plans are going well! My Molly will be married in three days, Lord willing. And then she will have a five-day rest in Disney World with her most special person. That will be nice, I really hope. Deo volente.

And Sophie will be home in three days *immense joy*!

Grace is diligently practicing a song on the keyboard on her own, no push from me at all *God is good*.

Today, after karate, I must go in search of plastic wine cups, for the sparkling grape juice toasts at Molly's wedding. Yesterday I searched, to no avail. Today I will go in a different direction. (The amazing place called I-Party). I really wish I could go back to bed, though. That is maybe where I will go after I finish at I-Party.

What must be done is best done cheerfully. : )

2011-11-15T07:49:00.001-05:00

Life is not a fairy tale. Life is a perilous journey, probably on an ocean seething with sea monsters and sometimes sparkling with sun-made diamonds.

In life sometimes we see the dangers looming ahead. (A young married couple living on part-time incomes and not being able to afford their own place to live, for instance. We all see the danger there.) But other times the dangers are there, and unseen. (An unexpected and serious illness perhaps, or the loss of a job.) Hopefully we also see the sun-made diamonds, all the moments of joy that dance upon one's day even as one keeps a weather eye for sea monsters. (Because sometimes the sea monsters, when seen in advance, can be outrun or torpedoed or otherwise rendered innoxious.)

My point being that, since we know that life is NOT a fairy tale, and we know that life IS a perilous yet wondrous journey, we must bravely and cheerfully face each day's adventure as it comes, holding onto the ropes and revelling in the feeling of wind in our faces.

My daughter and her soon-to-be husband face obvious sea monsters, but really, we all face sea monsters. Maybe Molly and Santos are better off because they see their monsters, they know their battle, and they take it on willingly.

2011-11-13T08:08:00.001-05:00

Sunday morning, ravelled sleave knit by sleep, and my outlook is a little more upbeat.

I am like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, musing to myself, "But they love each other . . . "

and today, well, today will be an adventure.

Early morning cheerful.

2011-11-12T23:07:00.001-05:00

It is true that I am wedding-frazzled. Nerved bedraggled. Late night sad.

And it is true that on Friday, when I came home all exhausted from the umpteenth shopping trip and Grace, hiding around the corner, said, "Boo!" I started bawling.

It is true that I am definitely once more in the middle between Santos' family and my husband on the question of the wedding meal. I hear rumblings of potential problems from the chefs and I hear rumblings of another sort from my husband. So I will do my best to be the glue: to go food shopping with the family and to bring up Steve's concerns to them and to soothe Steve as best as I can because, after all, we agreed to let them do this. We must now trust in them, and in the Lord to have this covered. Still, though, there is some internal unrest that will not fully go away until all the guests have eaten and been filled with delicious food.

Also it is true that I still have concerns about the marriage itself.

Saturday night, this is all true.

Yield. It is fully true also that I must now yield all of the above to God. He's got this. Maybe He doesn't have this in the exact way that I, with my narrow human perspective, would like Him to have it, but I do know that HE'S GOT THIS, in His perfect way.

2011-11-12T20:22:00.001-05:00

My grandchild is a girl! Molly had an ultrasound last week and the baby is a girl.

Girls run strongly in my family. ha ha ha!

I can't wait to hold the little baby.

2011-11-12T20:11:00.001-05:00

Last night was Molly's bridal shower.

I think she was mostly surprised. Maybe a tiny bit suspicious but not fully in the know, that's for sure.

It was nice! We had a lovely venue and delicious food courtesy of one of Steve's clients. That made it super-easy for me, as the hostess. Grace was a great helper, too.

On the whole, I am not a natural-born hostess, but hostessing last night wasn't too bad. There were only 18 guests who came, and they were all very agreeable. Vivian, Molly's friend and bridesmaid, would have been an awesome hostess. She is bubbly and talkative and an in-charge kind of gal. She did take over the planning and running the few games that we played, for which I was immensely grateful. The games were fun; people laughed a lot.

I'm glad it went well, and happy for Molly. I'm glad it is over, and happy for me.

And now we enter the final week before the wedding.

On the slate for this week: food, table place cards, flower arranging, last-minute dress tailoring, choosing of special songs, practice of bridesmaid hair-do's, delivery of paper goods, etc., to the reception hall, getting the groom's toothache cured, praying for a God-blessed marriage, and, of course, The Big Day.

Plus whatever else needs to be done that I am just forgetting at the moment.

Molly and Santos have to pack for their honeymoon. : )

green

2011-11-11T07:31:00.001-05:00

My favorite color is green. I have always called it "the green of nature" because I love the green of grass, and leaves, and pine needles and moss so much more than the flat green of a shirt or a painted wall or a cup. Man's green can't possibly match God's green, although out of man's colors green is still my favorite.

I also love the way Ayn Rand writes. And just now I discovered that she has given me a description of exactly the kind of green I most love. In The Fountainhead, almost at the end, Dominique is looking up at tree branches and she thinks, "it's a lovely kind of green, there's a difference between the color of plants and the color of objects, this has light in it, this is not just green, but also the living force of the tree made visible, I don't have to look down, I can see the branches, the trunk, the roots just by looking at that color."

Green with light in it! Green that is a living force made visible! God's green, and mine, too.

2011-11-11T07:00:00.001-05:00

Molly's wedding is in nine days!

I have a very pre-Christmas kind of feeling right now. It's a blend of "something wonderful is going to happen" with "I have so many things to remember and to do". Also shopping. Shopping is blended in, and planning, and the hope of blessing others. Most of all there is prayer, and a lifting up to God of all that is going on.

The shopping is almost all done, except for the food, which of course is a gigantic "except". Santos thinks I should go with his brother and sister-in-law to buy the food. I have never food power-shopped before. A new experience!

Today is Molly's final dress fitting. Next week I will print out the place cards. Santos and Molly did line up a justice of the peace, and a cake-baker (I think their cake is going to be gorgeous), and I did buy a dress. Santos has a new suit and will look very handsome. Sophie will be home, Lord willing, and will be able to be part of the morning-of-the-wedding preparations.

Grace was an awesome helper as far as putting mints in boxes for wedding favors. She will help with the flower arranging, and so might Gentle Onyx.

I am going to ask Gunther not to play the music so loudly that people can't talk to each other. I purely hate when that happens at a wedding.

As is typical with this kind of pre-Christmas feeling, I mainly think things are under control but have moments of insane exhaustion and know that at the last minute there will still be 100 things that need to be done. Underline all of that with a feeling of joy, an awareness of God's amazing plans, and there you have Christmas.

2011-11-10T07:53:00.002-05:00

Home schooling Grace is a very big CHALLENGE. No, it is a very big CHALLENGE.

Would you want to home school a lawyer? ha! No, I don't think so. Well, but what if this lawyer, underneath all the lawyerlyness, did have a very sweet and affectionate heart? Well, okay, maybe then it would be not so bad. And what if a Supreme Judge had given you the commission to home school this young, moldeable lawyer? Then yes, certainly it must be done.

Thankfully I like CHALLENGES. And even CHALLENGES.

I just have to remember all of that every single moment of every single day. Mainly I have to rely on the Supreme Judge, the One who made Grace exactly this way for His divine purposes and for His amazing glory. He is blessing me with the chance to help somewhat while He fashions His creation. I need only to follow His plans completely and then stand back in amazement.

"Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD with you, O Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; to morrow go out against them: for the LORD will be with you." 2 Chronicles 20:17

2011-11-08T08:47:00.002-05:00

Some very good things about Grace:

1. She is not a picky eater when she visits her friends' houses.

2. She does not stay angry long. She might be quick to get angry, but she is also quick to cool down. She does not hold a grudge.

3. She can be very sweet a lot of the time. She gives me unexpected kisses. She will sometimes ask me, "How was your day?" or if I ask her what good things happened to her today she will sometimes turn it around and, after she answers, ask me the question back.

4. She makes me laugh. (That is a always a very good thing, in the case of anyone!)

5. She is smart. Very very smart. That intelligence, coupled with her amazing desire to argue, and tremendous innate stubbornness would make her a very good lawyer.

6. Her heart is open to the Lord. As long as this one remains true I think she will be okay. She will continue to grow in His direction, and all of the other things above will intensify. (Hopefully an intensification of #1 will not lead to a weight problem. Some of her friends' parents are very good cooks. One of them, in particular, makes hummus to die for. I could eat bowls at a time myself. But we already knew that, didn't we?)

There are more, but these are the ones that come to my mind right now.

2011-11-06T08:48:00.003-05:00

I am so looking forward to a relaxing day. (Deo volente.)

Church in the morning, and I am wearing jeans so I don't have to change when we come home.

Then reading, most probably napping, lesson planning for the week ahead, and football game watching.

And not budging from the house the rest of the day.

Of course, "A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps." Proverbs 16:9

And, of course, I am yielded to His will for my day. However, Lord, if it please You, may I have a relaxing day? Thank You.

2011-11-04T22:53:00.002-04:00

We had a wonderful evening with our friends, the Cooper family. They have been without electricity all week, we were blessed to have them visit tonight, and while they were here their electricity was restored at home. They were HAPPY!

2011-11-04T22:52:00.002-04:00

While it is true that an email is not the direct and warmly human connection that a phone call is, it also true that an email will never wake up a napper.

Hence, there are pros and cons for each.

2011-11-01T22:14:00.001-04:00

Molly my muffin can feel her baby move, as "bubbly nudges" in her womb! I am so happy for her (and for Santos, and for me!) The pregnancy is going well. Thank You, Lord.

The wedding plans are moving forward, sort of molasses-like, but like a river of molasses which does move forward, albeit slowly. Today I ordered buckets of flowers!

This past weekend Sophie tried on her dress, and it looks very nice. We also found shoes for her and Grace to wear.

Still to do: find a JP, find a wedding cake, figure out decorations, finalize the guest list, arrange the seating, find a dress for me, plan favors, give Gunther reception songs, plan a honeymoon, and well, a lot more.

I feel badly for Molly because she has so MUCH to do, with her car and her job and her baby and her boyfriend and her wedding and . . . well, her life right now. However, little by little it will all get done (or else it wasn't important to begin with). I mean really, does it matter what I wear? No. Can the guests figure out who to sit with on their own? Probably. And sure, a wedding cake is traditional, but since when have Molly and Santos been traditional? Since right about never, that's when! So, whatever shall be shall be.

And God says, "Be still, and know that I am God." Matthew 6:33 I think. Or thereabouts.

Good night.

2011-11-01T22:06:00.001-04:00

Tonight . . . my first karate class in a week . . . and my legs know that's true! On the one hand it was a GREAT workout and on the other hand, which is really the same hand, I must have burned off at least one of the 1000+ pounds I'm carrying around. Monarisible was there, too, so of course seeing her laughing face made it extra fun.

Tomorrow . . . my muscles will remember tonight's class.

2011-11-01T13:25:00.000-04:00

I have knit my way through seven states. Actually, down through seven states and then back up again, like a yo-yo rolling down and up its string. Our string was the slightly crooked highways connecting New England to Virginia. We rolled down Thursday and Friday and rolled back Sunday and Monday. And I have been knitting.

Knitting, as it turns out, is a slow business (for me). In all these knitted miles my scarf has evolved to about 17 inches. Before I started, before I knit for almost 1400 miles* I had lovely dreams of being able to knit scarves for lots of people for Christmas presents. Now I think that I will be doing well to finish this ONE scarf before Christmas. And I also think that if I continue knitting all through the winter after Christmas I might have another two or three finished before next Christmas!

* This is extreme hyperbole. I did not knit every mile. Some miles it was too dark and impossible to see the knitting. Some miles I gave my fingers a break, because they do get a little worn out. Some miles I dozed . . . and knit not. However, I did knit for a LOT of miles, that is the absolute truth. It is also true that we saw a lot of electric repair trucks on the highway, convoying north to help out all the powerless northeast. That is nice!

(And what is nearly not extreme hyperbole, we are now home and after four days on vacation I need to lose 1000 lbs.)

visiting Sophie on Family Weekend

2011-10-31T07:36:00.000-04:00

The drive down was long. Of course. 700 miles can't help but be long, can it?

The first leg was tough due to sleety rain and traffic jams in Hartford. We stayed overnight in Scranton, PA. The second leg was much easier, with good weather and very little traffic all the way south. Grace, I must say, has been an awesome traveller. She just cuddled up in the back seat watching Psych on her hand-held something or other and never once asked, "Are we there yet?" or complained.

Then we arrived, about 4 pm, and found Sophie! And Becki! and had supper at the Olive Garden. (rigatoni and grilled chicken, that was me, with some pumpkin cheesecake for dessert.) It should be noted that I've gained about 10 pounds on this four day trip, I think (and we're only three days into the trip so far!) I forgot to pack a lot of things this time, and one of them was my bathroom scale. There will be heck to pay next week, this I know.

So we've had a good time visiting with Sophie and Becki. Grace has been staying in their dorm, and enjoying her time with them a lot.

At home, though, our family (and pets) are without power due to a very heavy October snowfall. I hope they stay warm enough until the power comes back. I wish I could zip home faster to make sure my mom is okay. She says she's fine, but I know her, and she would not want me to worry when there is nothing I can do about it, so she'll gloss over problems for now. Maybe the electricity will be restored today.

Today (Sunday) we have brunch with the girls and then hit the road, headed once again to Scranton, Lord willing.

2011-10-30T21:36:00.003-04:00

Chocolate
Seduction

Hershey Bar
All Gone.

2011-10-27T22:16:00.001-04:00

tttt
(too tired to talk) seriously. my words stumble and hide.

I think I will be alive again tomorrow morning. Experience has proven it to be so.

2011-10-25T22:29:00.001-04:00

Molly's wedding - it is in less than a month!

The problem of the bride's dad vs. the groom's family re: catering of reception has been solved. First Molly and Santos talked to me, then, while they were visiting I entreated Steve to at least hear them out, which he patiently did. Santos explained calmly and nicely the plans and qualifications that his brother and sister-in-law (Anthony and Stephanie) have for catering a wedding, and an agreement was reached. They will do it: Ant and Stephanie will cater the wedding. So . . . that will lend a delicious twist to the proceedings, I firmly believe.

We have a photographer lined up, and a DJ.

Tomorrow we go for cake testing. (note to self: some time on the elliptical prior to something called cake testing might be a good idea.)

The kids still need to find an officiant. And bridesmaid shoes, groom's men ties, wedding favors, special songs, wedding vows, and lots of other things, actually. Also the MOB (me) needs to find a dress and the FOB (Steve) might need a new suit.

And I might want to DIY the flowers, because I love flowers and a florist quoted Molly $100 for her bouquet, and $45 for each centerpiece on each of the approximately 12 tables. Are you kidding me? So I might DIY the flowers, if Molly thinks it will work.

Less than a month. My pumpkin is happy.

2011-10-23T09:27:00.000-04:00

There is a scrape and a cut and a bruised spot in the very center of my forehead this morning because yesterday I opened the car door right into my own head. Ridiculous, but true. And this is not the first time it happened. When I did it I felt a little dizzy, a lot of pain, and a lot of stupid. I got into my car and sat with the doors locked for a few minutes.

I think this means I am almost ready for assisted living.

2011-10-20T15:37:00.001-04:00

For the record, today was an awesome day at the dojo! There was great integrity (laughing at myself a little bit here), loud kiais, and much good effort. There were many smiles and many kicks. There was learning and comraderie. As a teacher it was very rewarding and quite exhausting.

Now I'm going to go watch last night's episode of Psych. Last night Sophie called me at 9:45 pm and we talked until 11 pm, so I missed Psych but got to hear all about Sophie and her classes ( a very good trade off).

I am so glad for all the students I was with today, all their energy and loud vivacity.

I am so glad to be home now, where there lives quiet.

Integrity - I want it. Everywhere.

2011-10-20T09:02:00.002-04:00

Integrity - I love integrity. Integrity thrills my soul whenever I find it. In some ways integrity feels like a life necessity, but if I let myself think that, am I being too extreme? I am not sure. No one is perfect, except Jesus, but I think we can all strive for integrity. Most especially, followers of Jesus must strive for integrity, according to God's will and in God's strength.

In the dojo sometimes I bang my head against an intense desire for integrity because the "do" or way of karate also emphasizes complete, perfect integrity, just as Christianity does. Karate-do, in its most pure form, requires from its students very high character ideals, which I hunger for and want to see people follow. Not everyone wants karate-do in its most pure form, though. And, of course, I am not perfect either and I cannot attain purity in any way, except through the Lord, so how can I expect others to reach a standard of integrity and purity, possibly without the Lord? I cannot. But I find it frustrating none-the-less.

Here is a paragraph from Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead that very beautifully describes the integrity I would like in all parts of my life:

"He (Howard Roark) explained why an honest building, like an honest man, had to be of one piece and one faith; what constituted the life source, the idea in any existing thing or creature, and why--if one smallest part committed treason to that idea--the thing or the creature was dead; and why the good, the high and the noble on earth was only that which kept its integrity." p 195

Wow, once again Ms. Rand has nailed a truth. I certainly don't agree with a lot of her beliefs, and so far I don't even like this Howard Roark character, but I whole-heartedly thrill to her concept of the importance of integrity, as expressed by Howard Roark.

Therefore, if people in the dojo perform their martial arts skills well but make choices without a committment to the integrity of that martial art, they have committed treason to all that karate is and have essentially killed the "do" of karate-do. That makes me both sad and angry, as any senseless killing would. How do I deal with that?

Concommittantly, when I do see integrity I warm to it, smile at it, and honor it inwardly. Often I see it in the dojo, often I see it elsewhere. I love it wherever I see it.

One of the things I am most thankful for in my life is that my husband is a man of integrity. He is. And I love that about him, I rest in that.

2011-10-20T08:41:00.003-04:00

Yup, the brain feels better today. No more tears. This mood change is perplexing but welcome.
Emotional equanimity: stay with me, please.

2011-10-19T09:51:00.004-04:00

If I want to cry for basically no good reason it is because:

"Mood swings during menopause are still a cause for great debate. No one is entirely sure what the exact cause of mood swings is but it is generally accepted that fluctuating hormones are responsible for these emotional whirlwinds. During menopause, your body no longer produces any eggs for fertilization. As a result, your body stops producing hormones that trigger ovulation and menstruation. Gradually, your periods and ovulation will become more erratic, sending your hormones into an up-and-down spiral!
These constantly fluctuating levels of estrogen, progesterone, and androgens have a definite effect on your mental state. These hormones control serotonin levels in your brain, which is the chemical that manipulates mood. If your serotonin happens to drop, so will your mood; if it rises, your mood will go along with it. However, others believe that mood swings during menopause are due to the intense symptoms associated with early menopause." http://www.epigee.org/menopause/mood_swings.html

Knowing all that helps a little bit.

It means I need to have the outer self-control of a steel-beamed skyscraper. (Currently I am reading a book about architects. You may encounter many building-related metaphors here.) It means I have to rely on all the strength of years of positive thinking to rip the "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms" glasses from my eyes. It means bedtime is the shining hope of the day, because bedtime means first, oblivion, and second, the eternal possibility that tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow the blasted hormones will do what I need them to do. Maybe tomorrow serotonin will be back in my brain. Maybe tomorrow I won't want to just cry for every little, tiny reason that is basically no good reason at all.

Eating a bright yellow, lemon lollipop helps a little bit, too.

2011-10-16T13:33:00.002-04:00

M&M's = Kiss Me Deadly

(unfortunately, not a bad way to go)

2011-10-16T09:51:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, being Molly's 21st birthday, was an emotional day for me.

A temporary escape for me was going to the dojo and helping with a kids' test. The kids all did fine (mostly fine. Battering Ram? why do so many kids forget which leg to step back with? But they all remembered their pinan and junippo and most of their self-defense. They certainly all worked hard during the test.) The time at the dojo was time at the dojo which is always time completely IN the Dojo and therefore time in which my mind is not anywhere else.

However, when I returned home the cooking and cleaning and getting ready went well. Then Molly and Santos arrived and we spent about three hours together before dinner was ready. Much good talking, wedding planning, etc. Santos was a little more talkative than usual and I think he's getting comfortable with me and Grace. Then my mom came, and Steve came home, and we had dinner. (Steve had already eaten at the golf course so he did not sit down or eat with us.) After dinner I asked Molly, "Would you like dessert now?" and she said, "No, but could we do presents?" ha ha ha! of course we could do presents! So we did, and she liked her presents a lot. Then, when we had just started to sing "Happy Birthday", the phone rang, and it was Sophie saying she could Skype. So we sang the song, Molly blew out candles, and we all Skyped with Sophie. It was really nice that my mom and Molly were both there, because they haven't seen Sophie since August. Sophie always asks us to hold the pets up to the camera, because she misses them a lot, too, so we do.

Today, the day after Molly's birthday I am just extremely happy and relieved that she had a good day. I have this feeling of wanting to protect her still, of wanting to shape her life in a way so that she'll be happy and also living right with God. Of course I know that I can't do that AT ALL, but that what is in my heart. And birthdays are important to a lot of people. Birthdays are important to Molly. She wanted to go to a flea market and browse around, which she did with Santos. She wanted to come and have dinner with us, which she and Santos did together. She doesn't have high, pie-in-the-sky wants, but still, life has so often not been what she wanted, and I wanted for this birthday to be a happy day for her. We were both blessed by the Lord yesterday: Molly was blessed because Santos went with her to the flea market and came with her to dinner, making her feel loved and happy. I was blessed because my oldest daughter, who is both the toughest and the most fragile of all my children, had a very happy 21st birthday.

As always, she hugged me wonderfully and looked astoundingly beautiful. She is God-created; she is unique and special and He has plans for her, great plans. She is my Molly.

Molly's birthday!

2011-10-15T08:16:00.001-04:00

Today is Molly's 21st birthday! Therefore, it is a great day.

I am so thankful that she made it to this birthday (seriously) and that she has become a strong, happy, independent young woman. She and I get along much better now that she doesn't live here anymore (not surprisingly). We always had a strong bond, love, and underlying connectedness, but it has become a lot easier to also be her friend as she (and I!) have both aged. Maybe later I'll look back at some of the hairy-scary posts from the past, but right now I'm just enjoying the sunshine of a gorgeous fall day and the knowledge that Molly is a fabulous 21-year-old who is carving a life out for herself.

(Life-carving is not easy, by the way.)

Anyway, Happy Birthday, dear Molly! Lord willing, I'll see you tonight. I have presents! And chili, and baked apples.

FEE and caffeine

2011-10-15T08:10:00.000-04:00

For the record, truth in all, yes, I also drink caffeine.

I enjoy one cup of coffee in the morning and one in the afternoon. Oftentimes I also have a nice cup of tea in the late morning and/or late afternoon. (Yes, I know, it's muuuurrrder on the teeth, but I do it anyway.)

One might think that with all that caffeine I would be a tiny ball of perpetual motion no matter what I eat but no, that is not the case. I could drink six cups of coffee a day but if what I eat is white bread french toast with maple syrup followed by spaghetti and cookies and Hershey bars I will do nothing but doze all day. It stinks, but it's true. The caffeine might help me have energy but it cannot do it all on its own. I must also have some (a lot of) self-discipline in my eating and exercising in order to Find Energy.

FEE

2011-10-14T09:59:00.002-04:00

The basic tenets of my Finding Energy Endeavor (title open to change at any time, it being fluid, much like the energy of which it speaks!) or FEE, as we will call it for now, are as follow:

Food to eat: ONLY whole grains, fruits, vegetables, protein, and "good" fats. (Honestly, I'm not sure what all "good fats" means, except that olive oil is in and hydrogenated oils/partially hydrogenated oils are out. Butter . . . butter I like. I think butter is in. Peanut butter is definitely in although I kind of worry that it really should be out. *squishing the worry like a fruit fly on a window* Peanut butter is in!)

Food NOT to eat, not ever if you want good energy and only seldom if you are sometimes - on very rare and wonderful occasions - willing to trade good energy for pleasure: Sugar! all simple carbohydrates! White flour! White pasta! In short, you must read labels and anything with a high carb count must be viewed as energy-poison. Death to you mojo, if you know what I mean. And, yes, long-time readers will remember that for me Fudge is energy-cryptonite. I love it, I want it, and it makes me a zombie within seconds after ingesting it. Bad News. Very Bad News for me.

Interesting note: One may possibly and very carefully USE the "bad" foods for the purpose of relaxation. You know, a sugar buzz. I certainly like to hit the chocolate milk at the end of a very stressful day. However, it must be at the end of the day, when you no longer need energy. Also, if you eat too much sugar/carbs, even at the end of the day, I am pretty sure it will carry over and deplete your energy the next morning. A carb hang-over it will be. No good.

Things to do: Exercise. Yep, that's it. Whether you feel like it or don't feel like it, exercise. Get the heart rate going and keep it going. I'm not an exercise physiologist, so I don't know the minimum amount you need to do to feel good, I only know that if you move it move it you will feel better than you did when you were sitting sitting. And bouncy music with a beat helps get you going, for sure. Inspiration for you here:

Also, (and I need no urging for this one. There is no "whether you feel like it or not" here!) Get enough sleep! Nap, if you need to. (or even just want to!) Go to bed earlier. Do what it takes, get the sleep.

And you know, stay generally positive. Think cheerful thoughts. Count your blessings. Stay connected to people you care about. Do something to help someone else. Laugh a lot. Put one foot in front of the other. (This is my way of restating "If something needs to be done just start doing it. The energy will follow. One hopes.)

But really the big three are Careful eating (low low carbs); Regular exercising (Just do it); and Get enough sleep (The only easy one in the bunch).

Okay, now GO!

2011-10-13T08:27:00.000-04:00

I have been hoist by my own petard.

And that, as it turns out, is an idiom, because a petard is literally an explosive device, or a firecracker, not something with which one hoists at all. ( I was picturing a kind of very large cattle sling, hoisting a large bovine -which apparently would be me. But I was wrong. A petard destroys like a bomb, it hoists not.)

Anyway, for a looooooooong time now I have been drilling into Grace's rock-like head the fact that when something should be done you do it, whether you feel like doing it or not. And for just such a looooooooooooong time now she has been continuously, even strenuously resisting the internalization of that philosophy. She wants to do what she wants to do. Only. (Hey, she's a kid, what do I expect?)

Well, earlier today I was planning to go to tonight's karate class but late this afternoon I was feeling all sore and tired and (yes, I admit it) lazy. I said to Grace, "Maybe I'll stay home from karate tonight." The words had no sooner covered the distance between us than she exploded (like a very small petard) "No! You have to go!" Of course I, much like you, instantly wondered what she had planned to get up to while I was gone, that she was so insistent that I go, so I asked, "What! Why do I HAVE to go?"

(Here comes the hoisting) "Because," she explained, "When I don't want to do something you always tell me that I have to do it anyway, so if you don't go to karate just because you don't feel like it then I'll have no reason to believe you when you tell me that in the future."

Silence on my part. Dumbfounded silence. Hmmm . . . this does mean that on some level she had internalized the message I had been trying to implant . . . but it also means that I have to go to karate whether I "feel" like it or not.

Hoist, I'm hoist. But next time, believe you me, it will be she who is hoist! I am going tonight and when she fusses about having to go to soccer she will not be able to throw anything in my face except the fact that I am willing to practice what I preach. So there.

And we both know that I will be glad that I went once class is over. Which is the bedrock of my philosophy anyway, and I have internalized it pretty well. Tonight I just happen to be sore and achy. And lazy.

2011-10-12T22:20:00.000-04:00

I have decided that I like petards. Petards are good things because mine was right! And Grace, wielding my own petard, was right, too. I had a great class and am very glad I went. Also the joint achiness that I felt at home dissipated even in the car and now I feel great.

2011-10-12T09:22:00.000-04:00

Molly's wedding update: Wedding gown: check.
                                          Bridesmaids gowns: check.
                                          Invitations: check.
                                          Hall secured: check.
                                          Caterer: check, but not without some Complications. You see, we found a caterer and chose a food plan, but then Santos' family decided they'd like to make the food for the reception, and bring it and all, in order to save money. We would give them the money to buy the ingredients and the large pans and the sterno pots, and whatever else is needed. It would definitely be cheaper to do that than to pay a caterer, and then we could give a nicer wedding gift or new baby money to Santos and Molly. In truth, I can see the kindness and sensibleness of that plan, but I am only half of the bride's parents, and the other half has his feet cemented into the "Hire a Caterer" plan. In further truth, the bride's dad is the one funding the wedding, so it seems to me like his say should carry the most weight. (Rabbit warren opens here, because we are married. He works and earns a lot of money. I work, part-time outside the home and much harder than he inside the home and earn very little money. Does our union in marriage give us equal -or nearly equal- weight in making financial decisions or do his far greater earnings give him greater weight in financial decisions? And then, from a Christian perspective, Steve is the head of the family, but even from a Christian perspective that does not give him an autocracy. To date I am skipping past the opening of the rabbit warren, because the whole wedding makes him cranky, but when he is in a good mood maybe I'll put a foot in, and then pull him in too, and we'll explore the rabbit warren.)

Hence, Molly and I are getting squished in the middle between these two factions: Family Brings Food vs. Caterer Brings Food. Molly likes the Family Brings Food plan, and personally, I think it would be nice to let Santos' family bring the food (and I'd make some lasagna, buy rolls, make a salad, do some food help, too) because they are from Puerto Rico and they would bring food that their whole family (half the guest list, after all) will find more delicious than the roast chicken and baked ham that the caterer will be offering.  It will be more work for us, but it seems like the groom's family is willing and even eager to take it on. On the other hand, if Steve is concerned that the people he has invited won't enjoy a homemade kind of meal, well, I get that, too. It's a pickle (no offense intended to pickles, not at all). And last night when I mentioned another "issue", which is the inviting of small children (a very nice Puerto Rican tradition) he got very angry and said no one listens to him anyway. He thinks only the children in their late teens should be invited, if they know Molly. Quandry! Honestly, I think the low-key, bring food, bring kids Puerto Rican way sounds warmer and more like a celebration party than the stiffer, more formal middle-class American way where we all sit around tables and count the minutes until we can go home. BUT Steve is not presently receptive to change. He's been to too many of the traditional wedding receptions and he wants to offer his guests the same thing. ("Blech!" says his wife, privately, to you [i.e. the world]).

As above, the nicely-proceding checklist implodes when we come to a plan to feed the guests.

This week we are going to allow that bubble of contention to remain where it is and move past it to issues of photography and cake, I hope. Yesterday Molly and Santos applied for a marriage license! They also have to find a Justice of the Peace (unless my mom becomes one really quickly, which is a very fun option, I think.)

2011-10-09T12:52:00.001-04:00

I am currently thinking of writing a post about "Finding Energy", which is really very like "Finding Neverland", I think. Because a lot of days I don't easily find energy and then I don't exert myself to search harder for energy and then I don't end up finding it at all. Other days I start doing something and notice that energy has crept along in to join me. And some very special days energy finds me, right after breakfast! I like those days the best.

I am also thinking a lot about anger: its causes, its ramifications, its expression, etc. In the mall I saw a clear display of an angry woman. She was angry because her friends didn't tell her they were going to the check out register, so she was left waiting alone. And she ranted. Loudly and unselfconsciously right in front of the check out clerk, me, and other shoppers. It was ugly. It was anger.

2011-10-09T12:48:00.000-04:00

Santos walks like a man; held the door open for me, Molly, and Grace; and has clean and neatly trimmed fingernails. He uses bad language but did not use any bad language around me and Grace which shows that he is either smart or caring or both, at least in these early stages of getting to know each other. I told him he can decide what to call me, either Judy or Mom. So far he hasn't called me by name at all, the awkwardness of which I completely understand. Also, he laughs easily, and likes to watch tv shows that make him laugh.

Encouraging words

2011-10-04T20:27:00.000-04:00

SG said something today that I find encouraging, relating to Molly. He said, "Happiness breeds happiness." In other words, it is easier to see where you want to go and to take the needed action to get where you want to go when you are in a place of happiness than when you are in unhappiness. I believe that to be true, also. No one who is depressed has the mental or physical or emotional energy needed to take even the baby steps that will lead out of the depression. People in that situation generally need some kind of outside help, I think. At the other end of the emotional spectrum picture a person who is bubbling over with ideas and energy and positive thoughts. That person will want to do all kinds of wonderful things, and will take action to make them happen.

Molly IS mainly happy now, so hopefully she is able to see what needs to be done to make her life, and Santos' life, even better. Hopefully Santos is happy (I'm not sure about that), too, so he can move with her towards some good goals.

Happiness breeds happiness. Frankly, that statement breeds happiness in me. : )

2011-10-04T20:25:00.000-04:00

Doing a jigsaw puzzle on-line not only gives one pain in the right shoulder but also a horrible frontal headache.

It is also mildly addictive, which explains why I continue doing it to the point of pain. There's always one more piece to be placed, or, after the final piece, one more puzzle to begin. It's ridiculous.

My new plan is to find easy puzzles, maybe 300 pieces, that I can complete in one or two sittings. If I don't leave the puzzle on the table for days and days then Sokka won't have time to scramble and scatter the pieces. Maybe.

2011-10-02T08:12:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I gave myself bursitis in my right shoulder by doing three on-line jigsaw puzzles. I wanted to do more but my shoulder was crying out, "KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY! where's your self-control?" So I heeded the voice of pain and stopped. It is fun, though. I started doing jigsaw puzzles on Facebook two days ago because the kitten scrambles real world jigsaw puzzles. Like a person whose relationships exist only in the cybersphere now my puzzles exist only there. And it nearly satisfies me. Nearly. But it does hurt more, because when I sit at a table and use my actual hands to pick up actual puzzle pieces I don't as quickly get bursitis from too much mouse-clicking. Sometimes, I will admit, I have been known to sit at the real world puzzle so long that my arm does start to hurt. (I think that I have a tendency in that shoulder to some kind of inner pain anyway, because it sometimes hurts me after karate, too.) Anyway, I've found on-line jigsaws and already feel mildy addicted. *sigh*

2011-10-02T08:02:00.001-04:00

Friday night I had an excellent time with Holli, Tom, Alice, and Bob and the B52s. Holli and Alice are my best friends from high school and I love them still (even though high school is now officially 30+ years ago). We don't get together very often, but when we do we are just as buds as ever. Tom and Bob are their husbands. I love Tom, too, because I've known him since just after high school. He and Holli met when they both worked at a hardware store. My (faulty, very faulty) memory is telling me it was called Channel, but anyway Tom asked Holli out on a date when they worked together and eventually they got married and they are still fabulous together. Bob is Alice's husband, and Friday night was the first time I'd met him, and he seemed very nice, too. Alice seems happy, which is wonderful.

And the B52s rocked. They have four of their original members; they sound as good as ever; and we could see (AND HEAR) them pretty well. I danced, which was perfectly acceptable because 1) it was the B52s and 2) there was no seating. Everyone was standing, crowded around the stage so dancing was widespread. It was so hot in there when I was bouncing up and down and the sweat drops started sliding down my skin I felt like I was in karate class. But louder, much louder. And with Holli and Alice and Tom and Bob! They all stayed overnight at the beach because they do live further away than I do and also none of them had to be at Grace's 8:30 am soccer game like I did. Maybe next year! The looming question is this, "Even though Steve in no way likes the B52s or their music, could he have somehow had a good time if he'd been willing to come along, have dinner with us, and stay over night?" I think that answer is yes. But he chose "no", and I don't really mind being an independent operative as needed. It was nice to get back home to him (asleep) and Grace (awake) and a house that did not reverberate with loud music. It was awesome to have spent time and Rock Lobstering with Alice and Holli. Those two, by the way, remembered that we had seen the B52s together at BC, when Alice was a student there, and Tom and two of his friends "from the warehouse, Ed and Tom" were with us also. Afterwards we all slept on Alice's dorm room floor! (All I remember is seeing the B52s at BC. Ed, the other Tom, and a dorm floor have been erased from my memory. Weird, huh?)

2011-09-30T12:21:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I say something to myself and then sort of raise my mental eyebrows and look askance at myself, amazed at the kookiness of what I first said. It's rather fun, startling my own self.

Having Sokka kitten in the house has been an enormous blessing this fall. He is very sociable, and follows me and Grace around. He loves to be picked up and petted. Except when he is feeling playful, and you know this is the case because immediately upon picking him up you feel sharp needles of pain in your hands as his claws and teeth meet the inner layer of your skin, quite playfully on his part. Grace's hands look quite shredded, but she doesn't mind. I've learned to gauge his mood BEFORE I pick him up, thus avoiding most of the pain. Also he is beautiful. Well, almost all cats are beautiful, and he is no exception. He is definitely Grace's favorite buddy. (Although I will say, in an unrelated aside, that he is absolutely death to jigsaw puzzles. There is NO jigsawing with Sokka around. Even if I leave the puzzle carefully covered up with a blanket the next time I see it it will have been destroyed, because the kitten did a flying leap onto the blanket and all the pieces under it have been cast asunder. Very much asunder. Like on the floor and into the heating vents and things like that. Hence, my jigsaw puzzle hobby is on hold until either the kitten somewhat mellows or I come up with a better plan.)

Here is another cool thing: Grace and I laugh a lot. We make each other laugh and smile a lot. That is very good. This has been a good week of home schooling. We planned together that I would decide what she needs to accomplish for the week and then she would decide what part of that list she would do each day. At the end of the week, if she hadn't finished everything she could not have social plans or watch tv on the weekend until she had first finished her week's work. This was the first week we tried that method, and for this week, at least, it has worked very well. It means less nagging by me and more taking of responsibility by Grace, both good things. Of course every week will be different. There will probably be some where one or both of us de-rails, and have to consciously re-rail.

2011-09-28T12:28:00.000-04:00

I just traded Grace one jar of my home-made dill pickles for 3/4ths of what is left of her home-made peanut butter fudge roll. The barter system works really well in our little home economy.

She is nuts about my dill pickles. Just like Molly is.

When Grace took her first bite, about a week ago, she got a shocked look on her face and said that she thought I had done something wrong: they were too sour!! And since then she has only stopped eating them if I physically defend them.

2011-09-24T18:15:00.001-04:00

VGD. Very good day.

Good karate class at 8 am. Got to spar. Did okay. Wish I could remember to use more of the techniques I want to use, but on the whole I did okay. Got my nose slightly bloodied (and my eyes watered, too) but kept going. I told the person who punched me that he should not feel badly (and he did feel badly about bloodying my nose) because actually he did well not to BREAK my nose. I am truly thankful for his good control of power!

Had fun teaching some kids. Michael is back in the 4-y-o class, and that is very nice.

Open House at the dojo in the afternoon, and we had about 9 interested potential new students come in, plus two girls who came and broke boards with us at the Old Home Day came in to try a class. Lots of positive energy in the dojo today. It is fun to see people get on the mats for the first time, and enjoy some karate. It is fun, too, to encourage the parents who brought the interested kids to join us on the mats, and see them have a good time. Also, I saw Shihan do Twirling Stick and once again I see how flabby and soft my own version of Twirling Stick is. Which is actually a good thing, the seeing, because now I have a concrete goal towards which to move. It is this: Make my Twirling Stick kata more crisp, precise, and powerful. Lose the flab. Anyway, that's the goal.

Grace volunteered at an Alpaca Farm Open House today. Go, Gracie! She had fun, and the little children of one of the alpaca owners loved her. She might have gotten a babysitting client out of the day. We'll see! She definitely got covered in sand and sweat and had a good time. She did NOT, however, go to her soccer game. I was not home at soccer game time, being at the dojo, and somehow she convinced Steve to let her stay home. She has told me that if she wants to sign up for soccer again I should not let her, because she doesn't really like it enough to want to go to the games. (What's up with that???) On the days when it is my turn to take her to soccer I will do my level best to make her play in the games and finish out this season well. Then she will probably not play on a soccer team for a long while to come. But, at least she was nice enough to help out all afternoon at the alpaca farm!

Sophie is very happy at college. She had a bad cold and a cough and it was torture to be so far away and not able to help her. However, she went to the doctor, got antibiotics, and now is feeling better. When she was sick she did have a couple of down days, but that is perfectly natural. Now that she is healthy her own buoyancy has returned and she is very happy at college. I am so glad!

VGD. Tired legs. Ibuprofen. Smiles.

after a lunch with Molly . . .

2011-09-23T17:51:00.000-04:00

Molly tells me things, and she facebooks things, that make me see that her affianced does not really have Molly's well-being at the top of his priority list, to put it mildly. Their relationship is not stable or founded on an easy give-and-take. Good, free-flowing communication is, well, stunted, to say the least. Naturally I, her mother, caution her about the importance of all of the above when entering into a marriage. Or, better still, NOT entering into a marriage, if you catch my drift.

Every time I start thinking these things, though, and try gently to point them out to Molly, or, even more gently, act as a sounding board in the hopes that she herself will think about these things, I end up being reassured!! It amazes me, truly. You see, she DOES see these things. She does know all the cautions and concerns and she shares them. Her eyes are not obscured by dreaminess, nor is the truth hidden by self-delusion. She still wants to get married. She feels up to the challenge and hopeful that this man-child will step up to the responsibility about to be given him. They love each other and she thinks that is enough, even though they frequently get very angry at each other, too.

So, she might be right about the positive possibilities for this relationship, or she might be wrong. Who am I to fault her for fighting for what she wants and what she believes is right? No one, that's who. She thinks it is right for them to get married. She thinks that, even with all their issues, they have a chance to be happy together. She is a fighter and I do admire that. She will do her part, I believe that. At least at this time she's willing to give him the chance to do his part. (I, her mother, hope he starts soon.) And, she is still mostly happy.

She is well, she is strong, she is Molly. That is all good.

2011-09-21T10:54:00.000-04:00

Inside the house, even with the windows open, the air is a nonentity. I don't feel it or smell it or think about it.

Step outside, though, and the air is a presence.

Outdoors the air is full, real, felt. Along with the birds and the sun and the scents the air makes itself known on my skin, and I am so happy.

2011-09-17T07:20:00.000-04:00

Sokka and Nudge play together now! They chase each other without Nudge hissing. It is good.

Also, point of information: young people cannot "sleep in" when they have a baby cat in the house. Sokka wakes Grace up by jumping on her person, especially her face. Today this happened about 6:30 am. Well, he's hungry, isn't he? So, even though Sophie is missing a lot of Sokka's kitten stage she can probably be glad that she often gets to sleep later than 6:30 am at college.

2011-09-16T16:21:00.000-04:00

chirpy post of yesterday about the joys of home schooling sharply contradicted this morning. oh well. character development is one of the lynchpins of home schooling, is it not? it is. and so, a porcupine encounter in the home can be almost welcomed, because it offers a chance to tame the porcupine, in and for the Lord. yes.

also, the porcupine tamer must be in the Lord constantly, finding His patience when her own is gone.

yes.

2011-09-16T10:51:00.001-04:00

Come on, come on, let's throw our mirrors down.

Freedom is waiting for you now.

Come on, come on, throw your mirrors down.

House of Mirrors lyrics:

You can't seem to see past your own reflection

Caught up in the halls of your introspection

And you're staring at your mirror on the wall

Asking, "Who is the fairest of them all?"

Ã¢Â€Â˜Cause, Lord, I know it's not me

If only you could see

That you've already been set free

Come on, come on

Let's throw our mirrors down

Come on, come on

Let's shatter the glass on the ground

You say, "Hold on, if I could just try this one thing

Well, I know I can change and that would change everything"

But a house made of mirrors never helps you see any clearer

It's yourself you can't see past

And Lord isn't that just like me?

If only we could see

That He's already set us free

(YEAH)

Come on, come on

Let's throw our mirrors down

Come on, come on

Let's shatter the glass on the ground

(OH, OH)

Freedom's waiting for you now

Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
So come on, come on

Throw your mirrors down

Come on if you're tired take a step outside

You might find you can forget about yourself tonight

Come on if you're tired of failed attempts to try

Freedom's waiting when you look outside

Come on if you're tired take a step outside

You might find you can forget about yourself tonight

Come on if you're tired of failed attempts to try

Freedom's waiting when you look outside

(COME ON, COME ON)

Come on, come on

Let's throw our mirrors down

Come on, come on

Let's shatter the glass on the ground

(OH, OH)

Freedom's waiting for you now

So come on, come on

Throw your mirrors down

You got to throw your mirrors down

Oh now, now

Won't you throw them down on the ground

Come on, come on

Won't you throw your mirrors down

Come on, come on, come on, come on

Let's shatter the glass on the ground

2011-09-15T07:35:00.001-04:00

Home Schooling Grace is going well so far.

Yes to Science, Grammar, and Algebra 1. (She does better in Algebra if we have a race to finish the problems. She likes to compete. So far I have won. If she starts winning I'll know that she is learning algebra really well.)

Also, though, she is reading Ann Rinaldi's The Secret of Sarah Revere, and God's The Book of Job. Also she really likes French, enjoyed chorus yesterday, and is looking forward to our group class titled Elections which begins Monday. Yes, we talked about joie de vivre, which she found in a McDonald's strawberry banana smoothie. (I would not for a minute contest that finding.) She has her first soccer game Saturday. We have been doing watercolor painting for art, and she really enjoys that. (Interestingly, there are many things she doesn't want to do with me, but art she really likes for us to do together. Hence, we'll be doing a LOT of art this year. Yay!)

Also, we learned a new card game: Gin Rummy, with all the rules and lingo. (meld, deadwood, knock, go gin, etc.) I never ever have played rummy in which the hand can end without someone laying down all her cards, and it was fun to learn this new version. We learned it because I am also using The Daring Book for Girls as part of our Eighth grade curriculum. Good stuff.

I praise God for this year with Grace (and with grace!)

2011-09-13T18:14:00.001-04:00

(See previous post, and scratch the last half of the paragraph relating to Molly. Sometimes I astound myself with how wrong I can be!) Molly will laugh when she reads all of this.

I was wrong about the way Molly's visit went. She really was not in the mood for soul-searching or financial planning or looking ahead down a rough road. (What was I thinking?? And where do I get these bizarre notions of my personal reality? No one knows those answers, least of all, me.)

She was in the mood for planning a wedding. So, full speed ahead with a wedding! We are talking guest lists and color schemes and all that a bride wants her wedding to be. And all that her fiance wants his wedding to be, too. Me being me, I did manage to squeeze in a little bit of the rough road talk, and she does seem to understand where I am coming from, but she completely embraces the plan of marriage and all that it entails. Therefore I will glide into my role of mother-of-the-bride, discovering what that entails as we go along. Firstly it entails research about the cost of food at the chosen venue. Concomittantly it entails being a good sounding board and note-taker for Molly. No problem.

It was very nice to see Molly today, and to visit with her. She is my pumpkin still. I love her.

2011-09-13T15:48:00.000-04:00

Life is rocking along.

Old Home Day: Fabulous. I love the fair feeling, minus the livestock. (At least I didn't see any livestock. I did see lots of dogs, and one even was wearing sunglasses, which his owner called "doggles". Ha ha ha!)

Family Day was fun, at the dojo. I got to take home the left-over Hummus by Mona, which is knock-your-socks-off delicious. In fact, I went home and had it for supper, with sliced fresh tomatoes on wheat crackers. SO GOOD. (Steve said my breath was ~~not good~~ really bad, because this hummus is loaded with garlic, but I considered the taste worth the price of bad breath. I didn't come right out and tell him that, though.)

I talked with Sophie both Sunday and Monday and she is doing well. I mailed her some muffins and a hand-made plastic fan (to help combat the Virginia heat.) I also told her that if the fan is desired by her dorm-mates I can easily make her more and maybe she can even trade them for muffins. Or I can just send the muffins themselves if the fans don't really take off in the dorm.

Grace stayed up all night reading Nine Days A Queen by Ann Rinaldi after she (Grace, not Ann Rinaldi) had a bloody nose. This (the reading, not the bloody nose) made me ecstatically happy. I want this girl to become a voracious reader, and this episode has been the first sign that it might actually happen. Grace also said she likes history!! Nine Days A Queen is a fictionalized account of the life of Lady Jane Grey. And now, we will find more historical fiction by Ann Rinaldi to feed this fledgling fire. Yay!

Molly is coming to visit today, which makes me happy. Her pregnancy is going well! We have to do some finanacial planning, soul-searching, and stuff like that. She is walking a tough road right now, and needs to see it all very clearly. I hope she will.

I got new sunglasses at Discount Madness today because mine were all scratched up. Wayfarers, that's what I wear these days. Cheap ones, but oh-so-Blues-Brothers-cool. And that reminds me, I would really like to go dancing soon. Would anyone out there like to go dancing with me? (My husband does not dance, or go where there is dancing, or anything remotely related to the above. He will not mind if I go dancing without him at all.) While awaiting positive response, you can well believe I will be dancing in my house pronto.

Over and out. And thank you very much.

2011-09-09T14:35:00.000-04:00

I saw The Help and I loved it. I now want to read the book.

I also saw Seven Days in Utopia and enjoyed that a lot, too.

I recommend both movies quite happily.

2011-09-07T12:55:00.000-04:00

Day 1 of Grace's Eighth Grade at Home is going very well so far. She has read the Bible and taken great notes, done her math neatly lesson without complaint, even correcting it herself, and played with the kitten. We have both learned, courtesy of Trivial Pursuit, that the country which consumes the most cheese per capita in the world is France, and that frogs close their eyes when they swallow. (My guess to the question, "What do frogs close when they swallow?" was "epiglottis" and that gave Grace a very nice chance to crack up laughing. Laughter is one of my goals for this eighth grade year, so, mission accomplished on Day 1.) We may have learned a lot of other things, too, because we do not know the answers to most of these questions!

Soon we move on to French, and she can do Science on her own. So far, so good.

2011-09-07T12:49:00.000-04:00

Definite confirmation received that yes, Google is watching me. Google is watching where I go and what I look at. How Big Brother is that? Very. Very Big Brother, I'd say.

My confirmation is found here http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/ because when I go to that site I see, along with a scrumptious recipe for Apricot teriyaki pork, ads for a perfume I've been checking on-line prices for and the university where Sophie is. Ha! How specific are those ads to me? Very specific, oh Google. You are nothing but a giant, amorphous, unseen but definitely felt STALKER.

And so, dear reader, Google is watching you, too. The only good news that I can see in all of this is that, because Google knows all your interests it will present you with ads that might actually interest you. So, check out the ads on MY site, here, since they will probably dove-tail nicely with whatever else you have been looking at lately.

But really, I think this stinks.

2011-09-05T21:44:00.001-04:00

Alright, so I was in the supermarket last week, and either in a personal energy depletion moment or in a time crunch moment and for some forgotten reason I had passed the bread aisle without picking up some much-needed whole wheat bread. Whole wheat bread is a staple food for me and going a whole week without it is simply not an option. However, when the realization hit me that I'd forgotten the bread I happened to be standing at the outer edge of the supermarket bakery section, on the fringes of the fancy and delicious breads made by the bakery . . . and I was either very tired or very strapped for time* . . . so when my glance fell on a loaf of All-Natural Multigran Bread, studded about with sunflower seeds and rivetting my eyes with its gorgeously flax-seed strewn self, well, I succumbed. Yes, it cost about twice as much as my usual bread, and yes, the carbohydrate content is double my usual as well, but . . . it had to be mine. And tonight, as I finished the end of my previous usually quite welcome whole wheat bread I remembered what awaits me tomorrow morning!!! All Natural Multigrain with Sunflower Seeds and Flax Seeds and unidentified seeds, too!!! Oh, Happy Day!

*when I told this story to Grace she neatly reduced that to a truth by saying, "You were lazy." That could be. And then she turned two slices of my bread into a peanut butter and fluff sandwich. It looked really good!

2011-09-04T18:55:00.000-04:00

Steve, thinking back on when I had our children and his role in the birthing room said, "I was not a good midwife." ha ha ha!!! too true. I was so mad at him back then, because he wouldn't even coach me with the breathing. The breathing! Wives today expect help with the Lamaze breathing, don't they? It's our modern-day birthright, that the husband will puff-puff-puff alongside of us, fetching us cold cloths or hot cloths or whatever else we might need. Not in my case, though. No sir. Steve didn't do the breathing, or the fetching, or the back rubbing, or any of the attentive things I really thought he should be doing. He was THERE, though. (Usually watching TV.) He did not skip out: he was there. And he cried with joy when the babies were born. So, no, he was not a good midwife, but now, years later, I can finally laugh about it. He is still a very good husband! And not everyone is cut out to be a midwife, now are they? ha ha ha!

2011-09-03T19:43:00.000-04:00

Good morning at the dojo. Lots of practice of kata, of bunkai-ing Cerio no kon sho, and of weapons defenses with Sensei Al. Then came the Young Warriors class, and two new kids were there. One is five and she is easy as PIE to teach. One is three and he is tough as RAWHIDE to teach. But that is okay. He is only three. Shihan encouraged me, for someone that age, to just make the class as fun as possible and allow him to join in whenever he wants to. That is a good plan to have, because otherwise I'd drive myself crazy trying to make this pudgy little barely verbal (but yes, quite cute) three-year-old conform to what I am asking the class to do. Impossible! We teach kids (and adults) to have self-discipline; we are not in the business of discipline per se. Especially for a three-year-old. So, when a student cooperates he can learn and progress. When a student does not cooperate he can sit off by himself and stagnate. (This is my cold assessment, cheerfully given. Those were not Shihan's words at all. He said it more gently than that. Either way, I like the attitude.) Four of my original students are getting very close to being ready to test for their yellow belts. That is exciting to me. They have definitely made great four-year-old sized strides in their abilities to listen, follow directions, make a good fist, and get away from someone who grabs their wrists. They continue to be awesome bubble fighters and to rise to the challenge of noodle fighting each and every time. They are awesome! And now I might have two more.

Also, though, Shihan said he might soon "siphon off" one of the ones who has been in my class for many months now, because the boy might go into the class for five-year-olds twice a week. That is okay. I knew it would happen. I teach them what I can and then send them off into the bigger world of real karate classes. It's okay. It's good, even. It just means I have to start all over with the new ones as they come in!

2011-09-02T11:18:00.001-04:00

I have not worn my jeans all summer, and I am pretty sure they miss me. Fall is nigh! The blue jeans beckon.

In other news, Grace and Joy threw a surprise mini-birthday-party for their friend Rachel B yesterday, because the summer has elapsed and with it went Rachel's chance for a birthday party. It was really sweet of them. They planned food, cake, and even games. (Imagine Reese's PB cups inside balloons which were taped to a piece of cardboard. Next imagine three girls taking shishkabob skewers and throwing them at the balloons. Surely I don't have to tell you what to imagine next, but just in case you are having a slow-brain day, it is three girls gobbling Reese's PB cups and leaving broken balloon pieces all over the floor. Great fun!)

For the record, I did not know how to spell "Reese's" and had to Google it. I was thinking Recees, but could see that that was wrong. How many thousands of times have I seen Reese's PB cups, and yet I did not know the spelling! Sad, so sad.

Molly visited yesterday, too, and we had a very good visit, a good talk. I made her baked apples because I love her and she loves baked apples. She is feeling well but does have lots of stress in her life. She is learning how to not internalize another person's anger (hugely important like skill there - don't I know that!) and trying to choose to rise above (or stand beside) the other stresses. That is all good. She gets along very well with Santos' mother, which is very nice, too. She is thinking about visiting a church near her house (Go, Molly!) . Given the number of problems she has to deal with she is basically dealing fairly well. She is still very happy to be pregnant. Of course!!! This girl has loved babies nearly since she was herself a baby. When she was two and Sophie was born she would get up in the morning and sit on the couch with arms open wide, waiting for me to get Sophie up and let her hold her. She has loved all babies steadily ever since then. She will love her own baby infinitely, as will I. : )

Sophie's still doing fine in Virginia, although she did FB that she wishes she could come home on the weekend for a hug, and that she misses me. I wish that, too! We have to figure out how she can take a bus to Walmart to pick up her asthma prescriptions, too. I told her to ask lots of people until she finds someone who is helpful, because the transit website is very unhelpful, and I am 700 miles away. Hopefully she will do this.

It is a gorgeous day today and I am GOING TO THE MOVIES WITH PACHALAI!!! Happiness.